Questions of a Senile Mind

It is a usual evening, where I am sitting on my corner seat, ignored as usual. People think I am a bit odd, may be a bit mad also, but why? Because I come everyday and sit on this corner seat, or may be I walk down such a long distance to reach here. They think that I can not understand the tinge of mockery in their eyes for me. I can, but what I fail to understand is, the reason of the mockery. Is it because I don’t have anyone to give me company or because I am a bit too odd to fit in the type of crowd there? They hide their faces behind their hands and laugh at me trying not to make it obvious that I am on the receiving sides of their humor. Yes that’s true that I can not see their giggling faces, but the glitter in the eyes tell me a lot of things, what it doesn’t tell me is that laugh because I don’t live their kind of life or because I am already had my share of fun and they feel that I am begging for more.

All this fun, mockery, humor and biggest of all, insult still I am here every evening to go through the same set of routine. Yes I can feel it, all of it, but what I can not feel is how I manage to tolerate everything and still be at the same place everyday. Has the sense of indulgence grown bigger than the self esteem I carry? If no, then why I allow myself to be treated in this fashion? All these question haunt me day and night, and even at the time when I set my foot out to take my daily trip. Everyday I go through the same torture and everyday I decide to for go my ego.

I have stopped believing in reason and logic long time ago, but still whatever little I am left with I feel that the sense of loneliness has overpowered me to an extent that I go through a daily dosage of humor, mockery and insult just to have some people around me. So what if they hate me, so what if they despise me, they are the only few who have some time to give a thought about me. Life has an uncanny ability to force me to learn lessons which I never wished to. Never in my thoughts I thought that I would search companionship in loathe, disgust and insult. Never believed what gratification people around me were, never thought that the feeling of being alone can be so haunting and scary. I never thought that I would let go my ego for a mere streak of recognition from some strangers. Sometimes this stupid mind thinks that I have traveled ages to be what I am, but I forgot to carry the map which told me who am I!!!!!! May be its too late or may be NOT!!!!!

7 comments on “Questions of a Senile Mind”

  1. Prats Reply

    Well this post is after imagining that I am sitting at the same place 50 years from now, I really wish that u wud still be around to spend time with me and play chess 🙂

  2. priyanka Reply

    dear prats i feel that when people laugh at you somewhere deep down their hearts they are actually appreciating your spirit….and dont forget that there wud be sooooo many senile minds to give you company after 50 years ,to bug you just like they do today … take care of you just like they do today…. because no one of us can stop life and we have to face that day …and if i am 24 today i gotta be 50 after 26 years…so chill yaar

  3. Swati Reply

    Well put up… but dont worry dear coz atleast u wont face dat situation…
    now ask why!!!!
    Coz atleast i’ll b dere wid u… so u r not gonna b alone neways… so chill…

  4. Shubhadeep Reply

    Don’t understand a bit of it… even after 50 years… why the hell would one be mocked and stared at… After 50 years… we’ll be something like 74 or 75… Still younger than the present-day Warren Buffet who decided to MARRY !!! Life is for living dude… Not to sacrifice your today, by fearing the unknown of tomorrow…

  5. sid Reply

    well, wat i cn say at most is that ppl come and go by. but only some of them tend to follow their field of interest.
    when u r trying to chase ur dreams ,obviously ther’ll b 100 ppl around u to scare u , make fun of u n to ‘laugh’ at u. carry on sir, be proud that u’r not the one who’s born to follow others. but u r here to follow the things that xcites u !!

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