With the placement season starting to gear up in the campus, it is time for me to start ranting about the same. The freshly groomed MBAs have been cut, cleaned, polished and now put up for the sale. The prospective bidders have been sent a product catalogue with all the jazzy photographs. Prospective buyers are flocking everyday to enhance the stake of their claims for the young sheep (read students) out for sale. The bet is who will produce more meat. The actual weighing would begin later. The funniest part of this assessing (read interviewing) by the prospective buyers is the reality behind. A typical assessing process happens as follows-
Buyer: Tell me something about yourself?
Sheep: Everything I wanted to tell you is already on the sheet of paper you are holding, it is called a resume. Have you ever seen it before, I guess not. Anyways I will recite whatever I can, hope this will help you to buy me and take me home, please.
Buyer: Tell me something which is not on your CV.
Sheep: Why would I hide anything from you which would enforce your decision to take me or you are interested in how many girlfriends I have had till date or when it was the first time I got drunk in the local bar. No I am not going to tell you any of this I have been prepared for such stupid behavior from you and have left out some points outside that stupid sheet of paper so will recite those. Ps I will recite in such a casual manner, u know I got first prize in acting when I was in class second.
Buyer: Where do you see yourself 5 years down the line?
Sheep: You know if you take me on board today tomorrow I will wake up in the bar with a crazy hangover and if you don’t I will spend whole night reading about the buyer coming tomorrow. So you can figure out what I am doing tomorrow morning, isn’t 5 years a bit too long to predict. Oh yeah!!!! for you, it’s a secret do you know career is very important for me, I fixed up a plan last night going through the career patrh given on your website.
Buyer: Tell me why our company?
Sheep: Its fairly simple you are one of the very few people who would buy me on a cost and still spend on me and would expect me to make phone calls and forward emails whole day. I swear I couldn’t find another idiot like you who would pay me for doing this all my life. Eh you know my inherent interest would create synergies with you. Ever heard this line?
Buyer: What are your weaknesses?
Sheep: Well I simply can not resist good food and sexy women. I hope you don’t have sexual harassment laws in place. Ah Weaknesses I believe in constant updation of the self.
Buyer: What are your favorite subjects in you curriculum?
Sheep: Do you really believe that I might have a favorite subject in the curriculum. What kind of a nerd are you. But you want an answer let me think, which subject you wouldn’t have ever studied and understood. Yes strategies on success of educational institutes on the placement front. Does it help???
Buyer: Any questions you would like to ask?
Sheep: oh yes, I prepared a list I just have it hidden it in my socks wait a second I will read out the questions to you.
Buyer: We like you mr. Sheep would you like to work for us?
Sheep: Obviously, why on earth do you think I am dressed in these stupid ties and blazer. You are not here searching for a groom for your daughter is it? Even if it is then also I am interested.
Buyer: Welcome on board mr. Sheep
Sheep: Righto boss!!! Why don’t you show me the money now? By the way who is my secretary can I ask her to do my fourth semester assignments?