Category Archives: Rantings

Discourse from the Prime Ministerial Household

The year 2010 is coming to a close, this year has been a year of achievements amidst disasters. Now given the fact that achievements harbor jealousy, while the disasters harbor jeer, jibes and sarcasm; I believe it would be appropriate to stick to the later while writing this post.

So talking about the disasters I got married early this year which in itself a disaster of the century. This also strikes me out of dating/scoring with any female I know *sigh* and the little thing called wedding ring stuck on my finger makes sure I am repelled by the ones I don’t know *bigger sigh*. Now most of you would be thinking that why I won’t remove the wedding ring and get back to the game. Well the lovely Wifee & the in-laws ensured that I am showered with so much love which coincidentally wrapped in loads of trans-fat leaving a tyre around my waist and the finger so thick that I can’t seem to take out the ring without slicing off my finger.

As I complete my digressions with knick knacks of the Gupta household; 2010 wasn’t only the year of my personal disasters but the entire country joined me in the unprecedented series of disasters. We had the CWG sham scam of 70,000 crores and the 2G Spectrum scam of 1,76,000 crores. I mean I don’t even know how many effin’ zeroes are present in either of those figures. And to top that out the person who is in charge of the cabinet where these scams happened, our beloved Prime Minister Manmohan Singhji (MMS), wants to be Caesar’s wife. As if being Rahul Gandhi’s proxy wife wasn’t enough he also wants to be Caesar’s wife too. My heart goes out for Gursharan Kaur(GK) that she has to go through all this, from what I have heard she is strong valued lady who still manages the MMS household under her tight and able reins.

The word is that the following conversation took place between the PM and his wife last week-

MMS: What is for dinner tonight?

GK: Caesar Salad.

MMS: You are still stuck on the Caesar thing I didn’t mean it literally. It was just a figure of speech.

GK: Yes, Yes as if I don’t know you, one white firangi womam and you become a puppet. 6 years puppeting after Sonia wasn’t enough you find another one that too someone else’s wife

MMS: Oh god! It’s just an idio…m

GK: Don’t you dare call me an idiot, I did a google image search on Caesar and his wife he is some Roman general and his wife is also a pretty blonde.

MMS: Enough of it, why are we having salad? I thought we were supposed to have chicken do pyaza.

GK: At Rs. 70/Kg we cannot afford onions, so chicken do pyaza is cancelled.

MMS: What do you mean we cannot afford onions I am the Prime Minister of the country.

GK: So what? Are you a part of the 2G scam….

MMS: No I am clean and I am above suspicion like the Caes…..and I am ready to appear before the PAC but JPC is not necessary on this particular event.

GK: You are not addressing a press conference or media. I am your wife. So did A. Raja gave you any money?

MMS: No, I think he gave it all to the Karunanidhi family. You know they bought Spice Jet airlines. He is not even from congress no so I hardly have any control over him.

GK: Ok! Did Suresh Kalmadi give you any money, he is from your party?

MMS: No, whatever he gave Rahul ji took it away saying he will use it in Bihar and the rest Suresh kept with himself.

GK: So how do you think we can afford Onions.

MMS: Very true, but I can always ask Sharad Pawar to give us some. I hear that he is hoarding tones of it to keep the prices artificially high.

GK: I am not sure if he will give you any, but yeah If you can ask Sonia to exert some pressure he might cave in. But then if we are found in possession of Onions when the CBI, PAC, JPC or whatever comes to our house they would conclude that you took a cut in all the scams which are coming on TV these days.

MMS: Yes true. Lets have salad, anyways at this age salad is good for health too. I have to keep in good health; given the election results in Bihar from Rahulji, I might get a shot for the third term as a PM if the congress wins the elections again.

GK: Whatever.

Disclaimer: The post is a figment of an imagination and the above mentioned statements might not be entirely factual. So if you can’t take some fun lightly please hit the close button on your browser.

Camera Woes

Last week a mail from a fellow blogger who also reads my blog made me realize that I haven’t written anything which doesn’t involve books since September. My first reaction was absolute denial but then a look at the archives and this was true. And then I thought I need to write something else, despite having reviews already written for Another Chance, The Confession and there are some other books I have read in past few days which I could review but then I had no intention of converting Ginger & Cardamom into a book blog. So I am back to regular blogging; the book reviews would obviously continue but so would non book posts.

So coming back to where I have been and what I have been doing these days. Well as you people already know that I was the latest addition to the people bitten by the photography bug which has now resulted in me buying a DSLR camera. I have let go off my sweet little Sony Cybershot which would slide in my pocket and would pass off anywhere as a mobile phone to this ogre sized Canon which is around 10 inches long (and I am talking about the camera perverts) 5 inches wide. For the uninitiated this how my new camera looks like after fitting the lens and everything.

Image Source: Google Images

So one of the days I carried my camera to the office hoping that I would click some pictures with my team mates and will be able to flaunt my new camera with my team mates. And as with any over excited amateur photographer I was looking out for subjects to shoot. Not that there was any dearth of Human subjects all around me but as it happened my heart skipped a beat for a lonely flower and I felt the sudden urge to take a picture of the lonely flower. I rushed to fetch my camera without giving a second thought and that second thought obviously would have been “It’s not a great idea to take a picture of the flower kept in the washroom”.

So as it would have happened I banged the door making a grand entrance in the rest room with a large camera in my hand. Have you ever tried bursting into a office/public restroom with one giant ass camera in your hands; Don’t it’s not a good idea. All the eyes which are generally riveted to the urinal were prying me as if I was a tyrant to molest them of their dignity. I got out in the lobby area where the doors to both the Male & Female restroom open. Determined to take the photograph as soon as the rest room is empty and I find myself facing with some of the girls coming out after easing themselves (or whatever you call it) with the camera in hand. I believe since that day I often hear giggles from females when I pass by, and sometimes a hush or a whisper which sounds like “He is the pervert who clicks the females just out of the loo”. Sometimes life is damn unfair 🙁

An Open Letter To Priyadarshan

Dear Mr. Priyadarshan,

I being an ardent fan of bollywood movie have had the pleasure, actually less of pleasure and more of pain, of following your bolywood career over so many years. You know after so many years of observation I have inferred either you are a sadist or a person with deep hateful sentiments against the Hindi speaking crowd. To justify my claims here is a list of the movies you have made in Hindi-

Name Origin
Khatta Meeta Remake of Vellanakalude Nadu(Malayalam)
De Dana Dan Remake of Vettam(Malayalam)
Billu Remake of Kadha Parayumbol (Malayalam)
Mere Baap Pehle Aap Remake of Ishtam (Malayalam)
Bhool Bhulaiyaa Remake of Manichitrathazhu (Malayalam)
Dhol Remake of In Harihar nagar (Malayalam)
Chup Chup Ke Remake of Punjabi House (Malayalam)
Malamaal Weekly Remake of Waking Ned
Bhagam Bhag Remake of Mannar Mathai Speaking (Malayalam)
Kyon Ki… Remake of Thalavattam
Garam Masala Remake of Boeing Boeing (Malayalam)
Hulchul Remake of Godfather (Malayalam)
Hungama Remake of Poochakkoru Mookkuthi (Malayalam)
Satyaghath: Crime Never Pays Remake of Abhimanyu(Malayalam)
Yeh Teraa Ghar Yeh Meraa Ghar Remake of Sanmanssulavarkku Samadhanam (Malayalam)
Hera Pheri Remake of Ramjirao Speaking (Malayalam)
Doli Saja Ke Rakhna Remake of Aniyathipravu (Malayalam)
Saat Rang Ke Sapne Remake of Thenmavin Kombathu (Malayalam)
Virasat Remake of Thevar Magan(Tamil)
Gardish Remake of Kireedom (Malayalam)

Now if I go through this list, there are only three movies you have screwed up ‘Virasat’, ‘Hera Pheri’ and ‘Hungama’. Yes, I mean to say that these three movies the audience had something good to take with them, at least some good laughs.

Rest all, as my mallu friends tell me you have taken up awesome movies in Malyalam and derived sadistic pleasure to destroy some very good work done in the movies. Bringing it down to a level that would be despised by all by making the remakes of those classics. Come on have some respect for the movies, and how great they have been and I totally understand your reverse Midas Touch that when you pick the most awesome of the movies and turn the same to absolute crap but please stop doing it.

Now coming back to the regionalist attitude of yours, given the fact that you have been torturing the Hindi movie audience. I mean what has the poor bollywood fans done to you that you have been churning the best of Mallu-land movies to horrifying Hindi movies. Take your last movie for example Khatta Meetha, one you stole the title from this movie which is an awesome movie and a loved one through generations and you choose the concept from another great movie Vellanakalude Nadu.

Now you add some of your own crap to it, then you recruit Akshay Kumar in it and then you add a lot more crap into it. Seriously what is so much hatred with bollywood audience, and what is with so much love for the crap you put in the movies.

I would have totally found the scene in Katta Meetha hilarious with the one where the Elephant was pulling the road roller and the disasters associated with it, but then Mr. Priyadarshan we are a generation which has watched Malgudi Days when it was being aired on DD, then again on internet and then on DVD’s. I am sure you could have ignored all of that and people won’t remember it, but please for heaven’s sake you should have known Kingfisher Airlines airs that episode on their in-flight entertainment and have seen it at least 6 times in past 1 year. So please use some tiny winy brains when you flick scenes from the most popular sources.

To conclude this is a request from a passionate bollywood lover, please get a life and stop making these stupid, boring and painful remakes.

Regards,

A Bollywood Lover

5 Cents on Child Employemnt in India

So Swaram posted on how her gas agency was employing children, I have always been a bit hesitant when it comes to opposing the child employment (note the use of word employment instead of labor). I have been a little apprehensive of condemning this practice specially in the Indian context. Here are the reasons behind my belief-

1- Lack of Social Security- In a country like India where social security mechanism are absolute zero, where a person if hungry might as well die of it without the government even batting an eyelid. In a country like ours, where if you are out of employment or a regular income there would absolutely be no support from the system. What should a child do? Do we have a system where a poor family if nothing else then is at least provided three square meals a day without being harassed? I know a lot of government scheme would be here, but practically we all know the schemes remain on paper.

2- Lack of Alternatives- So if a child from a poor background doesn’t work, what does he do? The education infrastructure for the needy in India is again in a poor state, the classes seldom happen. Facilities for the most part are absent, and there is a lack of direction on what they are producing. I believe that the basic schooling system in India is fabulous when it comes to educating a person for further studies (what primarily middle class does), but it lacks big time in making a child independent and employable. I mean when one passes out of class X or XII and if one wanted to work, there are hardly any opportunities or skills till then. Given the fact there are families to be looked after in the houses and earning hands fewer. I believe this is one thing which needs to be corrected. The answer to the question “School jaa kar kya karegi” should be more than “College main padhegi”. The children people of India deserve it.

3- Better Choice-
given the above two I feel that a child who started working early has made a better, moral and a worthy choice. If one doesn’t has anything to eat what are his alternatives, beg or steal. I find the children far more respectable and better human beings who choose the better option of hard work to achieve something, if nothing else at least an honorable survival. Every time I see a child on the traffic signal begging, I find a growing respect for the children who chose a better path to work. Given the fact that our government can anyways hardly do anything about both of them (except leaving the second child jobless accd to the child labor law)

4- Importance of Work- Somehow I appreciate the American or the so called western culture, where the children from almost all strata of society actually do odd jobs like cleaning the pathway of snow, cleaning the car, mowing the lawn, helping with grocery shopping and get tips for the work they do. I believe firmly that this develops two important qualities, a good work ethic in terms of all kind of work is good and secondly importance of money. I believe that in India the typical caste based culture still exist at large, where people consider some work to be as lowly and would not like them or their children doing it. Though this is very distantly connected to child labor or can be called child employment but I think that this kind of environment where children working should not be treated with pity but with respect for their spirit and hard work is really necessary for Indian mindset.

5- Failure of Law against Child Labor- The complete ban of children under 14 years of age would be a complete failure until the points 1 & 2 are addressed which are far from being met. Secondly it also makes an activity employing a child as illegal, which allows the employer not declare the child worker and also to cut corners and often the child worker doesn’t even get what he deserves for the work he has done. Also he missed out of what might be a structured and a long term employment benefits which might be available to other workers in the same organization

All said and done I do know that there are people who exploit children, and they might get into things which might be hazardous and have long term negative effects but then I also believe that the government can’t just create a law and then don’t provide them an easier approachable alternative. If they really want the law to be followed with the spirit then they should cancel the agency which employed the boy which had a gas connection, and identify why the boy was willing to pick those heavy cylinder instead of going to school and address the root, case by case basis. If they can’t address both the sides then may be they should leave the free markets to balance it out.

Movie Summaries Day 26

I have a Big Flix rental service, since mom was here and was immobile due to fracture. I was scheduling some movies she missed watching. So here are the one-liner reviews for those movies-

1- Ishqiya- Sulphate is not only a compound of Sulphur.

2- Rock On – The investment banker can any day turn back to being the singer of the long lost rock band

3- Wake Up Sid- If you fail the examinations, try photography might work as a career for you. Ps. You can simply gatecrash at a new lady friends’ home and have a live-in

4- Dasvidaniya- Your life would suck if it is based on a to-do list. Also Russian prostitutes might fall in love with you if you refuse to have sex with them.

5- Chak De India- India win’s woman’s hockey world cup. India wins what? Women’s hockey whatever.

6- Angoor- two set of twins can get separated with each of one type together and both set have the same names.

7- New York- If you get arrested by FBI, you take a simple step you make a plot to bomb the FBI office and almost do it.

5 Messed Up Things in my Life- Day 22

Well, for now I am in a mood to rant, I mean yes being positive etc etc are good advice. But one does have a right to be generally pissed off and rant oneself out. So here are the most messed up things in my life right now.

1- Mom’s Fracture– So finally my mom was staying with us for a month, with everything set plans made for trips to Chennai, Pondy, Mahabalipuram. She gets her feet fractured. That too for one of the stupidest causes, by a masseuse. So all plans canceled and down to bed rest.

2- Bangalore Traffic– I effin hate Bangalore Traffic. I mean what the hell why on earth do I take 2 hrs minimum to commute a 30 kms. For the record, I travel 30kms one way to work and then another 30 while coming back. That too in the peak hour Bangalore traffic. Did I say I hate Bangalore traffic, oh yes but then why won’t I?

3- Time Management– Though I have always been admired by people for my time management skills. I always found time for doing things which I wanted, but lately this has almost become impossible. 🙁

4- Laziness– I have been gaining weight and hogging like a pig all this time without any exercise. I am not doing anything about it 🙁

5- Priorities– My priorities in life are entirely screwed with effin social obligations from all the side limiting the amount of time and effort which ideally should be allocated based on priority 🙁

Movie Summaries Day 7

Lately I have seen so many movies, not used to writing too many reviews. So I thought to define the movies as one liners. So here goes my one liners for some of the movies I have seen recently-

1- Rajneeti- Everybody kills everybody leaving only Katrina Kaif to contest the elections.

2- Prince of Persia- Super movie, you sit for effin 2.5 hrs just to realize that actually nothing has happened.

3- Kites- No entiendo un carajo (Translation for poor viewer: I don’t understand a shit)

4- Well Done Abba: When you plan to get a well dug from the government you get your daughter married

5- Paathshala- Sending you children to school which advertises is making them do bonded labor.

6- Badmash Company- Selling single pair of gloves and defaulting bank loans are bad business plans.

7- Alice in Wonderland- So finally the rabbit goes through the hole

5 Not So Friends – Day 4

No this post is supposedly about the famous TV series involving Chandler, Monica, Joey Rachel etc. which I am a great fan. You can read the quiz about them here. This is about the word friendship and they way it has been misused raped by the hands of the social media and networking.

Friends and friendship used to mean a lot, but with the ever increasing place of social media in our life the word friend is actually losing the value and effect it used to have. I mean I have 500+ friends on almost every social networking site I am a part of. Am I friends with all the people? Friends, as per the orthodox and traditional usage in the English language.

The kids and the teen who are exposed to this storm of social media and networking, would they ever be able to relate to the depth and meaning of this beautiful word?

So here goes a list of people who send friend request but are totally #fail

1- Money Makers- “I just made $466 this week working from home for google. I cant believe how easy this is. Im recommending this to everyone, check out this guys google blog www.howimakeinternetmoneyandIamajerk.com”

2- Naukri Spammers- I noticed you work for XYZ company can we be friends. What salary you are getting there, what is your designation and which client are you working for? Would you forward my resume to your company?

3- Orkutiyans- Though being a guy, I get spared from a lot of these requests but when I see my female friends getting bugged by the morons approaching them. For them Friendship = She will sleep with me.

4- Site Inviters- We exchanged a mail some 3 years back and now they would assume me as a friend and send me friends request from a gazillion new sites expecting to accept. If you don’t realize I might not even remember you, if you haven’t referenced the conversation.

5- World of Mouth Mongers- I formed a startup and which does an extensive research on the effects of social media on reproduction of cockroaches. You ask spam me to like your facebook page, tweet about you. Really??

I believe its high time for Oxford to add a word like Onquaintances = Online + Distant Acquaintances to save the sanity of the beautiful word that friendship was.

5 Reasons Chariots Are Better Than Cars – Day 1

I was having a discussion with my dad, he is one person I can have most entertaining, enlightening, argumentative, and enjoyable discussions all at the same time.

I was telling him about my life in Bangalore and how the traffic and commute has become a part of life. I was complaining that how the mileage of my car has gone down by 5 Km/L just because of the Bangalore traffic, when the discussion moved to the relevance of cars in the economic growth.

While concluding the discussion, the eventuality seems that the future might belong to the horse carts. So here are 5 reasons that the horse chariots would be the future mode of commute and the government should ban cars-

1- Affordable– Now this one is no brainer, getting a horse cart is way cheaper than getting a BMW. Who are we kidding actually it might be cheaper than a Tata Nano or a 1970 model Ambassador. Also the setup to manufacture is small and easy so no more feuds in Signur, no more Mamta vs Tata.

2- Green Fuel– The problems of the emission norms like BSIV etc and the oil imports would reduce adding to the strength of our economy. The hay and horse food would be the common fuel which would still be obtained by agriculture promoting our agrarian economy

3- Time of Commute
– The original reason why horse chariots went out of fashion and were replaced by the cars, because back then cars were supposed to be faster than the horse chariots. This positive doesn’t seem to exist anymore I mean cars hardly average more than 20 Km/hr in the cities which is easily matched by the horse chariots

4- Reduced Road Rage
– I mean what would happen when the horse actually would touch the other chariot by mistake. I mean you can hardly blame the driver, as one would know even your horse could take a step more than you expected as it has a mind of its own and being minimalistic no insurances no damages hence reduced no road rage.

5- Enhanced GDP– Though the manufacturing automobiles do contribute to the GDP but is it fair to assume that every car produced has a positive effect on the GDP of the country. We can assume that 80% of the car owners directly contribute to the GDP through going to work. So the amount of time these 80% people spend in the car stuck in traffic jams doing nothing, could be used for positive work and actually add to the GDP. So if we really look the cars have a negative effect on the GDP.

So we can see that for the benefit of the society it is a positive step to ban the cars. I hope leaders from Pakistan read this and after facebook banning the cars might be the next step for their national development.

An Open Letter to Times of India

Dear Times of India,

You have been a part of my daily routine since times I don’t even remembered. Though I developed an appreciation for The Hindu, & The Economic Times, but still my loyalty towards you was unaffected. I have kept you a part of my life, a part of my house despite the falling standards of Journalism. I tolerated you despite when you advertised Fiat Punto & some really crappy movies on the entire page and the paper had more pages of advertisements than news content. I endured it all believing that one day you would rise up to the need of Journalism and news, one day the time of India would be what I expect it to be, and far lesser of nonsense.

But today has been heights, is it that the headlines are drafted on blackberry’s while taking a daily dump or have you gone to a level where you believe why would people read headlines when there are so many advertisements. Why would people bother about crimes committed by a high profile IPS officer when your add-ons have preposterous bikini shots of women and glamour and glitz of the page3 parties.

Yes I am talking about this headline “Law Finally Catches Up With Rathore”. It’s terrifying to read that you find the miniscule 18 months sentence as catching up. When the entire nation is worried about the morality of an ex DGP and the systematic crimes he committed on a girl and then went on to torture her entire family and you condoning the judgment communicating the justice have been delivered.

I can understand that these days there are more important issues which need to be reported and bring in notice of public. I mean obviously the exhilarating piece of information that Amitabh Bachan uses a public toilet was revealing. Had it not been for this particular piece of news the nation would have assumed that the Bachan household was still using the open air toilets by the side of railway tracks.

I mean you have so much of time and energy to keep track of when the bollywood answers the nature’s call but don’t have a capable staff which could at least capture the essence of news on the front page. I think it’s now time to move on, severing my ties with you. I think I have had enough WTF news of the day for now.

Regards,
A worried reader