I have my set of disagreements with Paulo Coehlo, I don’t know what he was thinking when he wrote “When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person realize his dream”. I have another version of the same quote which is more applicable “When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to screw him over in the most ironic way possible”.
I had always loved movies, and sometimes I so wanted the life to be like movies. You know me being the center (the hero, yeah I wasn’t expecting Erin Brockovich to be played in my life). With all the background scores full costume drama and a thrilling storyline, okay not so thrilling like The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
Now this is where the universe decides to screw me big time, it accepts my choice of making my life like a movie. So the damn universe had so many nice options to choose from, to play a movie in my life.
Casanova: I could have been the Giacomo Casanova who gets laid as much as he wants and as many women as he wants. I mean what a character that his family name was Casanova. Nah but the universe didn’t had to choose this one.
Guru: It could have chosen this one, I could have been the Guru Kant Desai, who would eventually make an organization of $37 Billions and proceed to be one of the richest man in the world. Nah the universe didn’t choose this one either.
The Pursuit of Happyness: I could have been Christopher Gartner, who goes on to make an Investment banker and become a millionaire out of it. No the universe didn’t like its plot either.
The Notting Hill: Okay, this one is not the best to be, but still Hugh Grant gets to sleep with the Hollywood Top Shot. No but universe didn’t had to choose this.
I mean there are so many movies, which could have been picked to add some spice to my life but then the universe obviously has the poorest taste in the movies. It picks up 28 weeks later and I am a legend.
The universal conspiracy theory finds out that the only way my life could be made spicier was not making me feel rich, handsome and lucky but to infest the world around me with freaking virus called H1N1. I mean why? Why the F**K a virus from pigs needs to spread like an epidemic and kill all the fun one is having.
You are grounded to your house cutting down on all social activities and outing. Yeah but you still have to go to the darn office for freaking nothing. And half the people around you are wearing a surgerical mask to ward of infection. I mean why, when there are so many good movies available. Then why, why the hell universe chooses to infect the world with Swine Flu. So Mr. Coelho, universe only conspires to screw you like it gives a Rats ass.
On a more serious note-
If you have these symptoms-

Image Source: Forward from Twitter

Please contact your local health center/authorities for a possible case of Swine Flu.
Mumbai
Kasturba Gandhi Hospital
Arthur Road, N M Joshi Marg, Jacob Circle, Mumbai – 11
(022) 23083901, 23092458, 23004512

Haffkine Institute
Acharya Donde Marg, Parel, Mumbai – 12
(022) 24160947, 24160961, 24160962

Sir J J Hospital
J J Marg, Byculla, Mumbai – 08
(022) 23735555, 23739031, 23760943, 23768400
23731144 / 5555 / 23701393 / 1366

Chennai
King Institute of Preventive Medicine (24/7 Service)
Guindy, Chennai – 32
(044) 22501520, 22501521 & 22501522

Communicable Diseases Hospital
Thondiarpet, Chennai
(044) 25912686/87/88, 9444459543

Government General Hospital
Opp. Central Railway Station, Chennai – 03
(044) 25305000, 25305723, 25305721, 25330300

Pune

Naidu Hospital
Nr Le’Meridian, Raja Bahadur Mill, GPO, Pune – 01
(020) 26058243

National Institute of Virology
20A Ambedkar Road, Pune – 11
(020) 26006290

Kolkata

ID Hospital
57,Beliaghata, Beliaghata Road, Kolkata – 10?
(033) 23701252

Coimbatore

Government General Hospital
Near Railway Station,
Trichy Road, Coimbatore – 18
(0422) 2301393, 2301394, 2301395, 2301396

Hyderabad

Govt. General and Chest Diseases Hospital,
Erragadda, Hyderabad
(040) 23814939

Kochi

Government Medical College
Gandhi Nagar P O, Kottayam – 08
(0481) 2597311,2597312

Government Medical College
Vandanam P O, Allapuzha – 05
(0477) 2282015

Taluk Hospital
Railway Station Road, Alwaye, Ernakulam
(0484) 2624040 Sathyajit – 09847840051

Taluk Hospital
Perumbavoor PO, Ernakulam 542
(0484) 2523138 Vipin – 09447305200

Gurgaon & Delhi

All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS)
Ansari Nagar, Aurobindo Marg Ring Road, New Delhi – 29
(011) 26594404, 26861698 Prof. R C Deka – 9868397464

National Institute for Communicable Diseases
22, Sham Nath Marg,
New Delhi – 54
(011) 23971272/060/344/524/449/326

Dr. Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital
Kharak Singh Marg,
New Delhi – 01
(011) 23741640, 23741649, 23741639

Dr. N K Chaturvedi – 9811101704

Vallabhai Patel Chest Institute
University Enclave, New Delhi- 07
(011) 27667102, 27667441, 27667667, 27666182

Bangalore

Victoria Hospital
K R Market, Kalasipalayam,
Bangalore – 02
(080) 26703294 Dr. Gangadhar – 94480-49863

SDS Tuberculosis & Rajiv Gandhi Institute of Chest Diseases
Hosur Road, Hombegowda Nagar,
Bangalore – 29
(080) 26631923 Dr. Shivaraj – 99801-48780

Information Source.