Tag Archives: Fun

How I Got Tricked

I generally have an eye for details and not a person to be fooled or tricked easily. I sense pranks or any conspiracy theory happening around me. But this time the planning was impeccable and very well executed; the result was a jubilant surprise birthday party thrown for me by the Wifee. She being the clever woman she is, planned the party one day before the actual birthday so I am not able to guess it and also the day being Saturday allowed all the guests take time out for the party.

Though as I have been told after the party the planning was going on since many days but I was involved only a week back when my sister in law called me that she had received a complementary couple tickets to a Hindi play happening near our house and if I would be interested to go. Given my liking for the theatre and movies it was highly improbable that I would have refused an offer to watch a play and that was my first step into the well planned trap of the Wifee.

For the second round she conspired with my chaddhy-buddy or langotia yaar as you may call us. He offered full help to her and called me just a day before telling me that he had to discuss something really urgent and couldn’t wait. Since I had already committed to the play and his place was en-route to the theatre I agreed to visit him 2 hours before the play starting time. And with this the perfect window of opportunity was created for me to be out of the house for good four and a half hours.

Now the morning started on an unexpected note, both for me and the wifee. I felt completely sick with the weather allergy and insisted that she drove me to the doctor. With all her plans in place and work to do she had to drive me to the doctor; which consumed 3 hours of her preparation time. But then my illness also ensured that I neglected the deviations from the normal behavior like too many calls and her extra effort in cleaning the house and putting everything in order; which in retrospect connects the dots very well.

By the evening I was running fever and didn’t felt like going anywhere but then I had already committed to the friend and then there was the play also. So I somewhat pushed myself out of the house for the appointments with the wifee as it was planned. My sister in law and mother in law took charge of the house through the spare key which was already shared. I spent some great time with my friends and then went ahead for the play. The play was fabulous and I must mention the actress was really gorgeous. And I digress, more about the play sometime later; now coming back to the story of How I Was Tricked.

So after the play we came back home, while driving inside the society I spotted the cars of my in-laws and some other relatives. I initially ignored them; since my co-brother and sister in law live in the same complex; I thought they might have guests. The unsuspecting me went ahead and parked my own car. While going from the parking to the house I also spotted the car of the friend whose house I had just visited by the time I concluded that there might be something fishy inside the house the Wifee opened the door and amidst the candle light I could see some faint shadows. As soon as I stepped inside the house there was huge bang and shout of “Happy Birthday”. All the lights were switched on simultaneously. When my lights adjusted from the darkness to the bright light I could see this one was a massive party. Almost everyone I and Wifee knew in Bangalore was invited and present. I had an expression of shock, awe and the most childish form of joy. I could spot my school friends, the entire in-laws clan, my buaji and my cousin, our entire gang which went for the New Year party. I was showered with flowers, party poppers and gifts; and finally amidst all this surprise & chaos I went to cut the cake.

Now when the cake is cut there is always some smearing which happens.

And when you yourself are smeared with cake it doesn’t harm to smear others does it? And It’s all the more fun if the one you are smearing are your SILs.

So this was the story when the Wifee managed to trick me the second time, I am sure you understand when was the first time ;-).

However, the end of the party wasn’t as expected. The allergy and fever were consistently rising and create a lot of difficulty for me while breathing. As soon as we bade goodbye to our guests; I had to be rushed to the hospital. There they found that the symptoms had highly accentuated and the oxygen level had gone down. I was immediately admitted oxygen artificial in the hospital. So that’s how my birthday started at 12:00 clock with the mask attached to my nose.

Now that I am out of the hospital and well enough to breath without any medical support, I would like to thank everyone for the wishes. Also I would like to apologies to everyone who called/ smsed/ tweeted/ fbed me on my big day to wish me; I was not able to reply or receive your call due to my condition.  Thanks again for your support and lovely wishes; I plan to live longer as you have suggested and keep bugging you with irritating posts on my blog. Till then enjoy La Dolce Vita.

Discourse from the Prime Ministerial Household

The year 2010 is coming to a close, this year has been a year of achievements amidst disasters. Now given the fact that achievements harbor jealousy, while the disasters harbor jeer, jibes and sarcasm; I believe it would be appropriate to stick to the later while writing this post.

So talking about the disasters I got married early this year which in itself a disaster of the century. This also strikes me out of dating/scoring with any female I know *sigh* and the little thing called wedding ring stuck on my finger makes sure I am repelled by the ones I don’t know *bigger sigh*. Now most of you would be thinking that why I won’t remove the wedding ring and get back to the game. Well the lovely Wifee & the in-laws ensured that I am showered with so much love which coincidentally wrapped in loads of trans-fat leaving a tyre around my waist and the finger so thick that I can’t seem to take out the ring without slicing off my finger.

As I complete my digressions with knick knacks of the Gupta household; 2010 wasn’t only the year of my personal disasters but the entire country joined me in the unprecedented series of disasters. We had the CWG sham scam of 70,000 crores and the 2G Spectrum scam of 1,76,000 crores. I mean I don’t even know how many effin’ zeroes are present in either of those figures. And to top that out the person who is in charge of the cabinet where these scams happened, our beloved Prime Minister Manmohan Singhji (MMS), wants to be Caesar’s wife. As if being Rahul Gandhi’s proxy wife wasn’t enough he also wants to be Caesar’s wife too. My heart goes out for Gursharan Kaur(GK) that she has to go through all this, from what I have heard she is strong valued lady who still manages the MMS household under her tight and able reins.

The word is that the following conversation took place between the PM and his wife last week-

MMS: What is for dinner tonight?

GK: Caesar Salad.

MMS: You are still stuck on the Caesar thing I didn’t mean it literally. It was just a figure of speech.

GK: Yes, Yes as if I don’t know you, one white firangi womam and you become a puppet. 6 years puppeting after Sonia wasn’t enough you find another one that too someone else’s wife

MMS: Oh god! It’s just an idio…m

GK: Don’t you dare call me an idiot, I did a google image search on Caesar and his wife he is some Roman general and his wife is also a pretty blonde.

MMS: Enough of it, why are we having salad? I thought we were supposed to have chicken do pyaza.

GK: At Rs. 70/Kg we cannot afford onions, so chicken do pyaza is cancelled.

MMS: What do you mean we cannot afford onions I am the Prime Minister of the country.

GK: So what? Are you a part of the 2G scam….

MMS: No I am clean and I am above suspicion like the Caes…..and I am ready to appear before the PAC but JPC is not necessary on this particular event.

GK: You are not addressing a press conference or media. I am your wife. So did A. Raja gave you any money?

MMS: No, I think he gave it all to the Karunanidhi family. You know they bought Spice Jet airlines. He is not even from congress no so I hardly have any control over him.

GK: Ok! Did Suresh Kalmadi give you any money, he is from your party?

MMS: No, whatever he gave Rahul ji took it away saying he will use it in Bihar and the rest Suresh kept with himself.

GK: So how do you think we can afford Onions.

MMS: Very true, but I can always ask Sharad Pawar to give us some. I hear that he is hoarding tones of it to keep the prices artificially high.

GK: I am not sure if he will give you any, but yeah If you can ask Sonia to exert some pressure he might cave in. But then if we are found in possession of Onions when the CBI, PAC, JPC or whatever comes to our house they would conclude that you took a cut in all the scams which are coming on TV these days.

MMS: Yes true. Lets have salad, anyways at this age salad is good for health too. I have to keep in good health; given the election results in Bihar from Rahulji, I might get a shot for the third term as a PM if the congress wins the elections again.

GK: Whatever.

Disclaimer: The post is a figment of an imagination and the above mentioned statements might not be entirely factual. So if you can’t take some fun lightly please hit the close button on your browser.

Being The Bookie

Monika tagged me on this tag of books and supposedly there are two versions of it. Now that my love for books is evident to everyone; I couldn’t have ignored this tag so here I do the tag answering everything Monika has done

  1. Favorite childhood book? Oliver Twist, It was a part of my curriculum and I so loved it that I read it so many times during the year.
  2. What are you reading right now? The Finkler Question by Howard Jacobson
  3. Bad book habit? – I like to finish books in a single sitting if possible. A lot of times if I pick a fast paced book I would keep reading it until I am finished forgetting everything else in the world. I read like 19hrs straight before I finished of Shantaram.
  4. Do you have an e-reader? – Nope and I don’t think I will buy one, though I have a kindle app on my phone but I like my books the traditional way.
  5. Do you prefer to read one book at a time or several at once? I like reading a book at a time, too many books simultaneously cause distractions and loss of concentration enjoying the fine points of the book.
  6. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? I have started reading a lot more and yes most of the book lovers I know are through blogging.
  7. Least favorite book you read this year (so far)? The complete prose by Woody Allen, the book had some really great pieces of text but then given all the great things I have heard and read about Woody Allen the complete text was a disappointment.
  8. Favorite book you’ve read this year? The Difficulty of Being Good: The Subtle Art of Dharma by Gurucharan Das
  9. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? I don’t have a comfort zone when it comes to books, I pick up anything and everything around me to read.
  10. What is your reading comfort zone? I don’t have a comfort zone, but I enjoy reading Non fiction, biographies, and Indian books.
  11. Can you read on the bus? Yes
  12. Favorite place to read? I love reading in coffee shops, there have been times when I used to simply visit a Costa Coffee and sit there reading books for entire day.
  13. What is your policy on book lending? I lend books to people on who I can trust they would treat the book with the same love and care I keep my books and would return them on time.
  14. Do you ever dog-ear books? Nope.
  15. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? No only in some textbooks.
  16. Not even with text books? I used to in some textbooks.
  17. What is your favorite language to read in? English and Hindi
  18. What makes you love a book? Plot, Pace, Characters, Message, and Narrative
  19. What will inspire you to recommend a book? If I like it I would recommend it.
  20. Favorite genre? Biographies & Philosophy
  21. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) – Science fiction
  22. Favorite biography? Tough Choices- Carly Fiorina
  23. Have you ever read a self-help book? I have read some of Robin Sharma’s books but then not very fond of self help.
  24. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? Difficulty of Being Good: The Subtle Art of Dharma
  25. Favorite reading snack? I generally don’t eat while reading but still biscuits are allowed sometimes to munch while reading
  26. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience –Dork, expected far better from Sidin given his social media campaign and blogs.
  27. How often do you agree with critics about a book? Professional critics I hardly read but a lot of like minded blog pals are ones I rely on for reviews
  28. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? I don’t publish a review if it is very negative.
  29. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? Farsi/Urdu, may be Spanish
  30. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? Thus Spake Zarathustra, I have read it  twice already and I don’t think I got it more than 10% of it.
  31. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? None
  32. Favorite Poet? Ramdhari Singh Dinkar, Rabindra Nath Tagore.
  33. Favorite fictional character? Harry Potter
  34. Favorite fictional villain? Lord Voldemort
  35. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? Indian Authors
  36. The longest I’ve gone without reading – 7or 8 Years, this was between the time I was born and I got into the habit of regular reading.
  37. Name a book that you could/would not finish– The Republic by Plato (I don’t think I am ready for it yet)
  38. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? Wife
  39. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? Godfather, 3 Idiots, Harry Potter, The Day of Jackal, Devil Wears Prada
  40. Most disappointing film adaptation? Da Vinci Code, Atithi Tum Kab Jaoge etc. It is a long list .
  41. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? The day I will buy the complete set of Amar Chitra Katha around 10k
  42. How often do you skim a book before reading it? Never
  43. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? I complete a book which I have started; I would leave it if it is very boring or incomprehensible.
  44. Do you like to keep your books organized? Yes
  45. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? I keep the books and I dream to make a huge library in my house.
  46. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? Not really.
  47. Name a book that made you angry – Den of Thieves, It’s a Pulitzer prize winner which takes us through the insider trading scandal which shook the wall street. After reading about that account and the things which have happened in the Sub-Prime crisis seriously ticked me off against the crimes committed by the Armani clad wall street bankers.
  48. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? Almost Single by Advait Kala, Sea Swept by Nora Roberts (This was gifted to me by a very dear friend just to find how does a guy like me find reading chicklets)
  49. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? Dork, Running From Safety by Richard Bach
  50. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? Calvin and Hobbes Dilbert, Sidney Sheldon, Jeffery Archer, John Grisham, and Indian Auhtors

And that brings us to the end of the original tag and now starts modified version

Books I love or “the ones I can read again and again and again and…..”

  • One: This is one book I have read multiple times and I believe the philosophy in it affected and shaped my life to quite an extent during my younger years. A brilliant piece of philosophy and an awesome book to read.
  • Shantaram : A riveting story, awesome one liners and the perfect setup of the old Bombay.  Is mein sab kuch hai, action hai, drama hai, romance hai, underworld hai, terrorism hai, comedy hai aur hum jaise Indians ko kya chahiye?
  • Five Point Someone : A lot of people criticize my love for this book but then every time I read it I am transported back to my engineering college days. I can so relate to the characters, setup, the mentality and a lot of other things in the book; It is very difficult for me not to love the book every time I read it.
  • Gitanjali: My love for English poetry forces me to read a lot of them and this masterpiece by our own Nobel laureate is simply a masterpiece. Brilliant philosophy, equally good poetries and better lessons in life from the great man himself; I don’t have a choice to take out the book and read couple of poetries every now and then,
  • Malgudi Days: Anyone who has read this book would know why you can simply read it again and again.
  • Q & A: this is a brilliant piece of fiction by an Indian Author. It is perfect story which would have all elements and will make you fall in love with the characters.

And as Mon said there are many many many more books I love but I think I will stop here for two reasons – I have spent way too much time on this post and its way too long and also I should leave some for you my dear book loving friends

Books I love to hate:

  • Arundhati Roy’s “The God of Small Things” one of the books I had to struggle hard to finish but the booker awarded to it makes it very difficult to ignore.

Books that left me underwhelmed:

  • Catch 22- I don’t know why but I absolutely got bored of the book. It was too slow and boring for my taste.

Well for tagging other people, if you love books and you are reading this consider yourself tagged.

Beauty And The Bloggers

So all of you must be knowing from my last post, that I am being published as a co-author of the book Urban Shots. The beautiful lady on the cover is Kanaz who is an established model and actress. Kanaz has features in multiple advertisements and movies like Pathshala and Wake Up Sid.

So when Me and Kunal (One of my Co-Author from urban Shots) came to know that she has agreed to be on the cover of our book, we jumped on an opportunity to have some conversations with her. You can read some snippets of our conversations with here here.

Unscramble

So Pal started this challenge of Unscrambling words here and I was a proud winner of the challenge. Now winning had a catch, that I had to start my own challenge here. These are the rules-

Now, your CHALLENGE is: Proud recipients of the F-Un-Scrambler Golden rolling Trophy are HEREBY TAGGED to put up a similar post with scrambled/jumbled words!! No rules/conditions apply. It just has to be jumbled words or jumbled letters or both, the way you like it!!

Do remember to link back to this original post though, so we maintain continuity.

And here is the trophy-

Now the part of my Challenge, this is what is a scrambled line-

I feel you Instrumentation lyric

Pointer- This is a very famous line from a cartoon script.

So people decipher the line….

An Ode to IPL Season 3

An Ode to IPL Season 3

An Ode to IPL Season 3

Once in the land called India in recent time,
Elite fun was limited to one part tequila and two parts lime,
A man decided to rise through richness, glamour and fame,
All through means which can be called just a stupid game.
Getting sick and tired of the reality in MTV Roadies,
An idea struck in mind of our dear Lalit Kumar Modi,
He formed a cricketing league called I-Pee-Yell,
From players to stadium chairs everything to sell.
Truckloads of money pouring in without a sigh,
Everybody wanted the darn piece of the pie,
Season one and two saw all the glamour and the rise,
Shooting up all the fame, money and the price.
“Mere five percents for my girlfriend, that too for free,
And mentoring to me, everything so honky dory and glee”
This song brought the murk into the moor,
All orchestrated by Shashi Tharoor.
The affairs of the external affairs’ minister got out too far,
Left no mentoring for him or any equity for his push-car,
The issue was settled with Tharoor getting an axe,
While Modi got the raids from the Income-Tax.
Betting, fixing, and black money, they pulled plugs,
With involvement of everyone including Tycoons & thugs,
So our dear Lalit Modi had a great fall,
Finally BCCI pushed him to a wall.
He too got the suspension, irritatingly bore the axe,
Realizing his spat with Tharoor was the biggest faux pas,
The season of inquiry and raids for the government to put up a face,
Arranging black money for IPL Season 4, as people forget this phase.
The tournament ended, the roar of scandals would subside,
Both Tharoor & Modi will get certificates of conduct so Bonafide,
End of a season where parties lasted from dusk till dawn,
As a viewer I am just happy that the F**King MRF Blimp is gone.

Be-Car

Ps. This is an old post, which published in November 2008. Somehow when I migrated from old blog to this new one. This post somehow was left out during migration. I was reminded of this post when Smita posted this comment on this post questioning extent of my love for cars vis-a-vis women.

Buying a car is one of the most important moments in the life of a person. The whole decision making process to buy a car is not much different from the other major decisions one takes in life. Courtesy the events in my life, yours truly have earned good experience in helping a lot of people to buy cars. So here are my 10 cents of wisdom on owning the car.

The first thing which one needs to remember while owning a car, it’s just like finding the ideal women of your life. The most important thing people tend to think are numbers like 1.6L, 1300cc engine capacity. But these numbers are like the vital statistics. They are highly irrelevant, neither do you drive your car at astronomically high speeds regularly nor do you make your girl walk the ramp everyday. So next time when the sales person confuses you with the mumbo jumbo numbers of the engine capacity, remember in the city driving conditions anything above 1000cc would be more than sufficient.

Another common thread which links the women with the cars is looks do matter. When you choose the women of your life or a car, the way she looks and the way she stands by your side is important. And more importantly you should find her beautiful enough that even after two years you should feel good about her.

But the thing which actually more important than the looks is how you feel when you are inside her, pun intended. As important is the warmth, joy, and the behavior of the women is in your life so is the feeling when you are inside the car. One should be entirely comfortable and if you think a feature is something which would make you feel nice. Then try to have it, you are not going to get another too soon is it car or….

One thing which people tend to ignore when taking crucial decisions is the cost of ownership. A highly sophisticated lady with a decent employment might seem like a very lucrative and a steal for a deal. But you know her javed habib’s bill, her Versace handbags, her Guess & Espirit designer wear might turn to be otherwise. Same happens with a car, which in terms of price might appear as a steal but if the mileage is low and the spares parts are costly it might make your wallet bleed bit by bit. So ensure you are making a right choice.

All who have been or are in a relationship would know how important the accessories are for a woman. You know if the stiletto doesn’t match the earrings you might always regret why you actually decided to come out for the occasion. So if you don’t have the accessories, like matting, mud flaps, Teflon coating you just might wonder why you stepped inside the car on a particular day did. So always insist your car is complete in terms of accessories, its better to negotiate to have them from the dealer.

To end it all once you are through with everything, always remember you don’t let other people go out alone with your wife. No not for a trial at the least, no in most cases not even to close friends I assume. So avoid doing that with your car as well, and I am sure you and your love will do just fine.

After all true love as pure as between a man and his car can not be bought its nurtured over the first times and times yet again. So in your lives just enjoy the RIDE (all the pun intended).

Reality Bytes

Its been a long time I have been regular on the blog, the reason being would already know that a certain panditji supposedly said something in Sanskrit. When translated to the world of IT and Software would mean “The Marital Status field in the database, the record type Single needs to be end dated on January 20th and a new record with the record type as Married needs to be added.” I sometimes bless the thoughtful creator of English language that he decided the marital status should go on as single and married as opposed to single, double, triple so on and so forth depending upon the number of wives and kids you have. If the later would have been followed the status of Osama Bin Laden would have been estimated to somewhere between one dozen to three dozens and lets not even talk about pregnant women and people getting divorced. They might have resorted to the use of Mathematical Limit Functions- Pregnant Women and their Husband, Status – Limit approaching to 3 (in case of the first child).

Sorry I digress, coming back to the harsh realities of the world. The bottom line is yours truly got married. All the plans to avoid the upcoming tragedy went in vain, as they say man proposes and god disposes, I finally got hitched. Going through what one would call a “The Big Fat Indian’s Wedding” obviously the big fat Indian being me. Its high time that I come up with a book titled “How Prats changed jobs, moved to Bangalore and got a Wife”, the story of how a boring seasoned blogger in late mid twenties found the master partner of his life. And I digress again.

Coming back to the point so many things happened I changed my job, I moved to Bangalore from Pune you can read my earlier tales of Bangalore here, here and here. There have been a lot of things going on in the world, like –

1- Hon’ble Supreme Court of India condones the Live-In couples– I have nothing much against the couples who live-in but this just re-affirms my belief that India is a funny country. I mean its not possible to keep a car for even a month before you finally commit to making it your own but it’s possible to have the woman/man of your life for a trial run, funny indeed.

2- Sahara India buys Pune IPL Team– There is no big deal in Sahara buying the Pune IPL team, if they hadn’t some other Tom, Dick and Harry Salman, Akshay or Katrina would have bought it. The big deal is about the amount they paid for Pune team a friggin 1,702 crores, to set a perspective if everyone in India combines and wants to outbid Sahara they will pay 17 rupees and 3 paise and to top that out if people of Pune thought of uniting and buying the Pune IPL team they would end up paying Rs. 5,158/- per person. I am sure this would be an excellent branding strategy resulting in conversations like this-

Person1: Pune IPL team was bought by Sahara.
Persone2: Sahara is it? What do they actually do?
Person1: Nothing much they sponsor the Indian Cricket Team

3- The Glory of Riots– There used to be a time when riots used to be the things of glory, the riots led to the headlines of newspapers, TV channels, talk shows. We actually got holidays from school because of riots in 1992. Now seems like the in-things are terrorist attacks, the political big wigs like Mamta Banerjee, Narendra Modi, K. Chandrashekar Rao have all failed to upheld the cause of riots. This time the riots have lost out to IPL with such a huge margin that despite a shoot at sight order and curfew in Hyderabad the riots don’t seem to get any space on page 1 in news papers and news channels.

Anyways now that so much of comedy is happening around the world, I won’t bore you to death. As the old adage goes, If you cannot avoid a rape least you can do is enjoy it. So enjoy your rape day. Adieu

Ps. Please Suggest an appropriate title for this post, I can’t think of any 🙁

Bang-Al-Ore

So finally I have moved to Bangalore, and as I already did mentioned here that we are not in best possible terms with each other. Still intrepid self of yours truly ventured into the enemy territory to wage the war earn a humble living. The stay here has been so far so good, despite efforts of Bangalore to scare me with incessant traffic and horrendous commute times.
I have been more than eager to learn the BANGy ways of living from the wifee and SIL who claim to be the hardcore Bangloreans by heart, and here are my top 5 lessons I have learnt in Bangalore-

1- It takes 45 minutes of discussion to decide where we would be having the evening coffee, and the options sound like the Mochas, and Bochas.
2- Once you have decided the place it takes another hour of brainstorming and discussion to decide what would be the appropriate route to go.
3- If you go from place A to place B by route 1 then it’s a punishable offence to return by the same route, if unaware then an alternative route would be discovered for the love of the holy god.
4- No matter where you live in the city they would change your office to a place so that you need more than 2 hours to commute one way. Yes I learned this the hard way, after being shunted between three offices all equally painful to commute.
5- Air conditioner is an impulse buy product, because if you plan and buy the temperature just drops down to post-pone your purchase for a couple of days resulting the decision to be delayed till sine-die.

So I am finally here, the Mecca of Indian IT, Silicon Valley of India (though they call it so but silicon implants don’t seem to be too common here) trying to settle down. Trying to find a house to live in, incidentally I happened to enquire the rent for a 2 BHK flat here and was adequately informed Rs. 70,000/-. I don’t know why but on my asking with utmost decency “for the entire year?” they let their pit-bull loose to chase me out of the premises. I think the people here are not very used to decency I guess, will try and be abusive from the next time, should work what say people?

Disclaimer: The post is meant to present a satirical view and take a jibe, and this disclaimer is the request for the people who disagree with above not to kill me.