Buying a gift is a tedious job, and it becomes all the more difficult when you have to buy the same for your in-laws. I mean buying gifts for your own family members is a simple four step process.
Step 1- You identify what thing is you need most and wont get approval for buying from parents.
Step 2- Buy that thing, get it gift wrapped and write on tag “With love for Mummy/Papa – From You”
Step 3- Gift the packet to parents. Ask them to open it in front of you and see them sigh smile.
Step 4- Now take the gift and start using it, parents won’t use it anyways.
This is a sure shot process which works everytime. I have tried this multiple times like when I bought that expensive shaving foam for my mom and the Rayban sunglasses for my dad (who incidnetly wear eyesight glasses and cannot wear them). Now they both loved the gifts and they are being put to good use right there in my cupboard.
But when it comes to in-laws the ball game changes entirely. The 4 step process mentioned above fails miserably. Well till now I am not able to come up with a process oriented approach for buying gifts for your in-laws. The reason is there is no trial run possibility as a failed trial might be fatal due to a external exterminator being active in the scene, better know as wifee.
So here yours truly comes up with 5 things which you should not gift your Father In Law(FIL)-
1-Life Insurance– Now this seems like a perfect gift, your insurance agent might convince with all kinds of benefits it entails and how it would bring huge benefits to you just by putting your name in the nominee section. It would seem like a good idea to buy that policy, name yourself as the Nominee pack it in the envelope and gift it to your FIL. Don’t ever try it. Even if you go ahead and do it then it would be a good idea to get one insurance policy for yourself too, you now just in case….
2- Walking Cane– Now obviously when you are going to have a FIL, its sure he would be almost twice your age and would soon be getting older wiser. Now a walking cane is a thoughtful and a useful gift from a future perspective, your logic will totally support you on this. But then FIL might not be totally understand the usage of the cane and get inspired by the more elementary and traditional use of the cane which was more prominent in a school kind of setting. So for the health and safety hazards caused, this one is to be avoid.
3- 1 Year Subscription of Playboy Magazine– Now this seems to be the best gift for any man on this world. It also comes with a free inflatable full size love doll which might seem like a great gifting idea and value for money proposition. But this one you would be dead twice if you try you wifee is gonna kill you for sure and after that your mother in law would make your dead body alive and then kill it again. So don’t even dare to think about it.
4- The Wig– Now this also seems to be a perfect gift which has a high utility in present or foreseeable future. But the horrors of buying such a gift might haunt you as Cliff Richard said “Be a Bachelor Boy until your dying day!!!”.
5- Passes for Invite Only Victoria’s Secret Party – I know this would apeal to you and him as much as the third one but then again this is one is equally fatal. You take your FIL with you to this paradise where almost naked Lingerie clad women will be walking and dancing around you but then you know the downside 😉
So here are the 5 terrible gifting ideas when buying gift for your Father in Law.
Now that all around there has been too much of Swine Flu panic. My city has been most critical with maximum number of Swine Flu deaths in the country. Now its time to lower the anxiety and hype over Swine Flu, and crack some really bad jokes-
Approaching a girl the swine flu way-
Boy goes near the girl and pinches the bottom.
Girl Turns and Shouts back “You Bloody SWINE!!!”
Guy- “At least, I didn’t cause the flu”
Me- If I register myself with Jet Airways with the name Swine, will I be able to get all the Frequent Flier Miles for all the times “Swine Flu”
Friend- Nah, Jet Airways is not the official “Carrier” for Swine Flu.
Swine Flu Investing-
Me- Investment Tip of the month, Invest in Surgical Equipments and FMCG.
Me- The consumption of masks and soap has sky rocketed after swine flu. I am washing my hands with soap very hour and even after I pee.
Friend- Oh you should do it before also, you don’t want the Virus to enter in you through all the wrong places.
Swine Flu Date-
Girl to the Doctor- Doctor, Please check me for Swine Flu?
Doc- You having cough cold fever etc?
Doc- You visited a Swine Flu infected place recently
Girl- Oh No!!! My boy friend is a Pig and I am sleeping with him.
Swine Flu Movie-
A movie being made on relationship of Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky could not be completed why?
The Heroine refused to remove the mask for the final scenes.
The way Swine Flu has got the attention and hype, once can use it for some fun and harmless advantages. I am listing 5 instances which I can use for some fun.
1- Security check at the Company Gate– when the security guard opens the door of the car and scoops his head inside to ruffle through everything kept in my car. I just hate this routine, it delays me and I specially hate when he presses the soft toy dog kept on the back of my car, damn it I am not carrying the bomb in the soft toy, and this is not 1987 when we will do it inspired by Mr. India. This is 2009 we have swine flu, so all I am going to cough loudly and very badly. Let’s see if he is willing to perform his karma despite the Pigs flying.
2- When she calls– You in a middle of an important meeting and the new new wifee calls. What to do, simple cough vociferously point to your manager that you need to step out. Courtesy swine flu, your manager would not expect you back and won’t mind if you say you went to the doc to check if the cough attack was swine flu.
3- In a queue– When you standing in a queue which is moving very slow. Just start coughing loudly and say it aloud “the cough with fever doesn’t make sense. I don’t have this generally”
4- Avoiding handshakes– So if people still extending their hands for a handshake and you don’t want to do it for your own fear of swine flu. Just before the handshake cough loudly with open mouth and keep you hand to cover it. Then extend the same hand with wiping it off. More often than not the person extending the hand would back off.
5- Medical Store– If you find the medial store or the chemists are jam packed an you not able to reach the counter, to get your medicine. Ask loudly for “Tamiflu” and Swineflu masks then recite rest of your medicine list. In all probable cases crowd would gradually disappear and Chemist would be listening to you with all ears providing you with stuff and get rid of you from his shop.
So these are 5 ways with which you can have some Swine Flu fun. The post is written totally in Humor. Please take the illness seriously and don’t get hyped on it.
Winners and losers are more often than not a matter of perspectives. When I was in school we used to have holiday on the occasion of Rakshabandhan. The day before the Rakshabandhan used to be a happening one. The teachers used to give us the last period off, where the girls would get Rakhis and would tie to the guys and we would carry chocolates for them. It used to be a fun filled day, though the last period was specifically for this purpose, but the Rakhi tying would continue the whole day in recess and between periods.
Now there used to be an unsaid race, competition between the boys as who gets more Rakhis. So we used fight for the coveted post plying all sorts of tactics. The girls whom we generally used to make fun of were treated extra nicely just a week before Rakhi (Nicely= Giving Away Sharing our Lunch Boxes). The hints were dropped the kind of chocolates (Amul, Dairy Milk or 5 Star). I even went to customize my chocolate assortment in preference to the choice of individual and keep an estimate of the number of chocolates I would buy aka number of Rakhis. With all the cautious planning and strategizing on the D-day the war got hotter, results were consistently been updated like any live match on arms of the every guy around.
The real time strategizing used to happen when you used to pass the girls who have not tied you Rakhi repeatedly so she remembers that you are left. Beg, borrow and beg more to get more Rakhis, when the prospective sisters exhausted in our own sections the new Rakhi tying prospects were scouted from other sections and a class senior and a class junior to you. Towards the end of it the both the hands had Rakhis all over it like the Banyan tree outside the temple is wrapped in the sacred thread. In all hot & humid weather and hand wrapped in thread which used it itch. Nothing mattered then, I had the most Rakhis on my hand.
Now you get it, making every girl possible around me my sister and I thought I was a winner. I mean people pay cover charges to get into clubs where they can ogle/approach/hit on girls. And I was at a place where the gender ratio was far more balanced than a government engineering college and all I did was to catch hold of every girl in and around my age and made her my sister. Now this is called a perfect Loser, ain’t so people? Well a lot of mistakes are forgiven when you are 10 years old.
It’s been so many years what used to be being Winners is now being a loser. But invariably the day never lost its significance, if anything it gained it further. It’s been almost 10 years since I have stepped out of home and had missed most of the Rakshabandhan. But this can neither stop me from remembering my sisters and feeling good about them nor can it stop me from tying all the Rakhi love they send me every year on my hand.
So this day for the Sisters!!! Happy Rakhi !!!!
Late evening when I went in the coffee shop,
Spotted her sitting there; where I daily hogged,
I stopped whistling and singing my song,
Glued my eyes to her pants which were not so long.
I sat on her backside, not literally you pervert
I could hear her conversations in spurts,
With bits I got, she sounded hysterical,
Seemed like she was fighting a problem too diabolical.
She uttered the following words with tears in her eyes,
“Do you know where the solution for my problem lies,
No matter what, I can’t help my ever increasing weight”,
She said while gobbling the chocolate pastry from her plate.
The guy for a second looked at the plate listening to her rants,
And then focused on her legs coming out of the very short pants,
He knew the age old question actually was a huge trap,
One mistake and he is going to end up in crap.
“Darling, my love, you do not have to worry about the weight,
Lovely you look, lets head to the bedroom, it’s getting late,
I will give you special exercises all till your hearts content,
Just wait till I get inside your shorty short pants.”
The lass smiled, I don’t know; for the compliment or the anticipation,
Displaying her gorgeous legs for everyone’s admiration,
She went out; and I resumed my whistling and song,
With my eyes glued to her pants which were not so long.
This is my attempt to write humorous poetry. The context was me and my cousin was sitting in a coffee shop and discussing blogging and the conversation was directed on the topics of blogging, and I was of the view they can be picked from anywhere. So eventually both of us decided to pick on a girl sitting there in strikingly short shorts and write a post on it. This piece is entirely a piece of fiction and figment of my imagination and has no bearing to any kind of reality.
Sri tagged me with this tag about how I actually spent holidays, and had gala times during my good Old-Days. My holidays have never been very happening, I was way different from the normal kids of my age (not that I was any abnormal, just that I had different interests). I was never too much into sports until a year back when I discovered my love for Squash; I particularly sucked at playing cricket which rest of my friends thoroughly enjoyed. Being an only child, and no people in the neighborhood of my age, so my holidays were mostly alone and self indulging. I would categorize my holidays into five different phases in life.
1- Books, Television and Some more– The earliest phase of my life the holidays were primarily concentrated with visits of cousins either me visiting them or they visiting my place for some days. Apart from the time when they were here and I had company to play all sorts of games etc, I used to watch television most of the time. Specially the DD was the only channel available an it used to specially telecast a holiday special series for children (I think it was called Chutti Chutti, the title score went something like Ha Ha Hi Hi aa gayi Chutti….). A huge part of my holidays went into reading and every year in holidays my reading lists included all the literature (Hindi & English) prescribed in my syllabus for the coming year, Misha, Suman Saurabh, Chacha Choudhary, Billu, Pinki, Nagraj, Dhruva, and sometime Enid Blyton, Nancy Drew or Agatha Christie.
2- Life of a Samurai– Then came the advent of Video Games, I was first exposed to video games through some shop which used to give out the 16 & 32 bit video games on rent which could be connected to TV and played with the joysticks. We used to rent that console for overnight and used play the whole night just to ensure not a single penny of the rent is not wasted. The video games came big time in my life when I got my first Samurai video game and the trade of 64-KB cartridges 64-in-one, 1200-in-One started. The holidays were spent on the countless hours of practice of Mario Bros., Contra, Arkanoid, Bomber Man, Load Runner, Tetris.
3- C for Coding & C for Computers– Then after that I got my favorite toy, My first computer which was an age old 386 and I developed a keen interest in programming and computer hardware. After that most of my holidays were spent sitting glued to the computer screen or reading something on the topic and trying out things I had learnt. I learnt Gwbasic (if people still remember what it as), Dbase 3 plus and databases, C, C++, HTML by myself (this is till year 1999, and Web was not evident in India, only a lucky few had access to what websites are, and Java was a distant dream).
4- End of Holidays– Once I got into engineering Holidays became more of Internships, preparing for CAT and other serious stuff. The only fun part we did in holidays was preparing ideas for the organizing the Fests in the college. We started making biking trips to whatever nearby areas we got near Jhansi. After coming to MBA there was hardly a thing called holidays in a span of two years. But whatever small breaks we got we totally explored areas and weekend hangouts in and around Pune.
5- Holidays Now– Sometimes I wish that even work had a concept of long summer holidays where you can take a month off just without any agenda. The only holidays I get now are in terms of leaves and they are availed in case of sickness or visiting family. The weekends are consumed in an endless struggle to get some rest and manage the chores. Sometimes when I look back, I think there were a lot of things I should have done when I had a chance and I had holidays but something deep down tells me the holidays are not coming back any soon.
So friends this was my take on how I had good times on my holidays, now comes my turn to tag people and I tag-
Serendipity– Would like to know how she spent her holidays Meera– I am sure she would come up with Hillarious Cartoons on Holidays Thenewbnb– Well Holiday Breakfasts were one things I wanted to mention but let the Breakfast specialist do it .
One of my favorite word in the English Language is IF. It has so diverse usage and imperative of communicating multiple emotions. Well I produce few of my usage of IF which makes it so special in the language-
1- If Conveys Hope & Wishes – One of the most important and necessary ingredients of life is hope and If conveys hope. The hope always lies in the If- If I could accomplish this the life would be awesome after that.
2- If is the Introspection & Learning– Another very important aspect in life of a person is when he looks back at his life and his actions. Introspects what went wrong, how he could have done things differently, how he could have changed or bettered the outcome of a given situation. Here is the if- If I would have saved instead of nasty expenses I could have used the money now.
3- If is the warning– If is a caution sign in life, often an advice, an indication to reconsider and evaluate your course of action and re-steer to ensure course correction. A lot of times when the judgment is clouted, if is the word that clears it. Here is the If- If you went ahead with this deal you are bound to loose.
4- If as the Challenge– if is the greatest challenge for nurturing ambition in the human race.A lot of drive in people is invoked by a simple if- If you can do this the next promotion would be yours.
5- If as a choice– One of the most important aspects of our existence is our ability to choose, our ability to say yes or no, depending upon how we feel. If certainly gives us that choice- I will do this only if I want.
Well that’s about one of the most beautiful words I feel from the English language. To end, I will leave you with one of my all time favorite poetry in English language
IF- Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
I have reached way past my student life (way as in read 2 years) but the student life leaves such highlights on you that they are imbibed on our minds. Examinations are one such phenomenon that they can generate extreme ends of feelings in a human being. I thought that I would write this post on LES but I got a midway riff of my old time memories. So here I convey the emotions I felt during different examinations in the entire span of life-
1- Joy- When you get your examination paper, and you find out it is the same version for which you paid the clerk last night. The feeling first smile on your face yes that’s what you call Joy.
2- Disgust- When you sit for an examination for engineering entrance and you get question for a 8th Grader. (It happened to me when I gave the University Engineering college Entrance Exam). The feeling you want me to answer Kiddo questions, I want to be an engineer dude. That’s Disgusting isn’t it?
3- Acceptance- When you know you are anyways going to Flunk the examinations and stop trying.
4- Fear- When you never studied Accounts or Fin-101 or Electrical Machines & Measuring Instruments, the damn subjects are so drag that you feel sleepy deciding that you will study in the morning. Only to find you woke up 15 mins before the examination starts.
5- Surprise- When you open the question paper, only to find that you were reading the Theory of Automata whole day yesterday and they by mistake gave you the paper of Discrete Mathematics
6- Sadness- Well by default Exams are a sad phenomenon until you are Monica Geller.
7- Anger- When you realize the question paper you paid for yesterday night was Fluid Mechanics for 4th Semester Civil Engg. and you are supposed to appear for Engg. Mechanics 2nd Semester. Damn would have been better if you knew what subjects you were opting for.
8- Anticipation- When the papers like Theory of Automata, Compiler Design, Macro-Economics, Accounts are on the Exam list. The shivering you get is often out of anticipation
9- Empathy- When your Juniors in engineering college flunk the same subject you did and tell you how the entire paper was out of course. At that point of time what shows on your face is empathy
10- Worry- When you realize that you have to give exams this semester, and it would have been a lot better if you wouldn’t have just relied on proxies the entire semester
11- Regret- The feeling when you stand outside the dean’s office explaining why you couldn’t maintain 75%60%50% even 15% attendance in the class. The odds are 6 to 4 that he would give you the hall ticket to sit in the examination.
12- Curiosity- When you don’t know a thing asked in the question paper, and the person sitting front/back/ left/right/diagonally to you is writing profoundly as if he has to finish the legend of Mhabharata faster than Ved Vyas could have recited it. The feeling right inside you which makes you lean forward and sneak into his notebook is called Curiosity. No I don’t call it cheating; Curiosity is human instinct right?
13- Desire- When you write on small chits of paper on your hands covered inside full shirts, at the back of calculators and rulers and pencil box and even admit card and its envelope. That’s what is the desire to succeed.
14- Envy- The little emotion you get when the most seriously studying girl (yeah its always a girl who would complete all her homework in time, do all assignments, read two chapters in advance from 5 different books, She’s always a girl) would tell which question was from which book, on what page and how many times she had done it prior to the exams.
15- Pressure- When you step out of your hostel room in the
night before going to sleep, to find lights in all the rooms are on. You come back switch on your table lamp and then go to sleep.
That’s all about the Emotions and Exams. To come back to LES as I had already promised Reema, who is having her last exam tomorrow, that I will write about it on my blog today. I had a term defined especially for an occurrence in behavior prior to the last Exam. I like to call it as Last Exam Syndrome (LES). LES as I called it, is the euphoria because of the realization that you are going to be the free bird after the next exam. The joy of anticipation is so unparalleled that you actually start enjoying and feeling relaxed and happy. As a matter of fact you don’t even feel the same emotions when exams actually do get over, that would match the happiness quotient of time between the second last and last exams. So Reema enjoy your LES and Best of Luck for your exams tomorrow.
I have always loved Limca Ads, generally they go well with the image. I somehow find myself relating so much with their new ad. Specially with the kind of chemistry the girl & the guy have and the music track & lyrics conveys the message right across. It just seems to be perfect. Good work Limca, good work O & M. I feel the need to be refreshed after watching this one. You can watch the Ad here, and The lyrics are as following-
Fuhaarein, Baucharein, Nazaare chura lo na, Kuch boondein chura lo na, Thaki si zindagi se, ruki si zindagi se, kuch lamhe chura lo na, Kuch yaadein, kuch sapne apne chura lo na, Thaki si zindagi se, ruki si zindagi se, raftaar chura lo na.
The previous ad which was on a similar theme featuring Riya Sen was this one.