Tag Archives: Humor

Why Game of Thrones is no different than an Ekta Kapoor Soap

My history with Game of Thrones is a bit patchy; I had always found it slow and for the first 8 attempts to watch it I couldn’t even finish the first fifteen minutes of the pilot or the first episode. However, on the insistence of a very dear friend, who made me watch it sit through season one and two forcefully I did complete watching season 6 which is the last telecasted season as we write this.

I liked Game of Thrones for a lot of things but somehow I find it overhyped and the storyline a tad slow for my personal liking. Nevertheless it is a good series and worth a watch once at least.

One of these days when I was thinking why we don’t have series like Game of Thrones in India (mythology Ramayna & Mahabharata doesn’t count).I realised that we had series on Indian TV which had striking similarities to Game of Thrones and apparently they were all made by the likes of Ekta Kapoor of the Balaji Telefilms.

If you would have seen the series Goodness Gracious Me, I would even claim that GoT is Indian. and probably written by the scriptwriters at Balaji Telefilms and directed by Ekta Kapoor herself. The GoT is:

  • A Series are about powerful families which hold considerable influence and power. Sounds  Indian.
  • Both have females which are hatching conspiracies after conspiracies and other females/males trying to save their families from the aforementioned conspiracies. Again every Indian TV soap which was or is running absolutely Indian.
  • When there is a build up of possibility of truce between the warring families there is a death removing the possibility and also extending the length of the time show can run. Only an Indian Television series could do that. Remember where everyone except Ba was dying in one of the Ekta Kapoor series
  • They run in parallel universes where black magic, dragons, fortune telling, changing faces and the dead being alive again exist as a fair possibility. Is there anyway this could have been based anywhere out of India?
  • The family money running out seems to be one of the common themes. Again Indian.
  • They feature children being born out of the wedlock which eventually start having a say in the family matters. Seems like Indian to me.
  • Mothers influencing son’s against the Daughter in Law. Come on, can it get more Indian than that?
  • There are lavish weddings and conspiracies are executed during the wedding. Does anything says more Indian than a conspiracy filled lavish wedding.
  • The devils which rise from the dead have shiny blue eyes and are killed with dragon glass ( don’t ask me what it is) and Valerian steel. Somehow reminds me of Shiv Mandir ka trishul which can kill the blue eyed demon.
  • The traditional expectation from the women is to work in the household and provide the family with a son who is an heir. However, there are a few girls/ladies which are defying these traditional roles. I don’t need to convince you anymore, do I?
  • People seem to wake up with swords and armours as the ladies in Indian series seem to be waking up with their makeup and jewellery on.
  • If you translate the title to Hindi it translates to “Khel Kursi Ka” “KKhel Kursi Ka”. From the point where I see it has written Ekta Kapoor all over it.

So this is my motivation for following Game of Thrones, it is a drama series which packs all the bells, whistles and the punches from an Indian television soap which makes it a very interesting watch. What makes it perfect and go beyond what an Indian soaps offer, the number and detail of beautiful naked women they show on screen. Yeah so my categorisation for Game of Throne is soft porn setup in the context of an Indian drama or vice versa if you like.

Why Mia Khalifa Should Not Come OnBig Boss

If you have been a reader of this blog, then you must have already realized that this is another desperate attempt by me to stage a comeback. This time around I intend to do a lot of serious blogging, around serious issues. For my not so grand comeback I decided to use the strategy which our Indian media uses to bring to you the best and most important happenings across the world. So, like any mainstream news channel I will take up the most important issue which needs to be discussed and debated for our national interests. Is that issue-

  • The Syrian immigrant situation in Europe. Not really 80% of Indians will not be able to locate Syria on the map; and we all know if you can’t find it on the map it is not important.
  • The Floods in Assam. Well that happens almost every year and nobody thinks it is important enough to cover
  • Meat Ban; Hmmm are you kidding me? You think anybody can cover the meat ban in Indian media when the main stream Media like Times is owned by Jains themselves, HT is owned by Sobhana Bhartia who is a Marwari, and Network 18 which is owned by a Gujrati Family. You really think we can discuss meat ban. You know the Free Speech comes with a small asterisks which indicates conditions apply.
  • So, like the Indian media we will contemplate on the most significant topic which haunts India today “Should Mia Khalifa become a contender for Big Boss season9?”
    The answer to this question from the Indian viewer’s perspective is quite simple. Where else it can happen the entire family gets to sit together in the living room while eating chips, drinking tea while watching one of the best porn star in the world on the 42” television in HD quality. The last time it happened was only during BB S5 and even then a lot of people did not have the HD set top boxes. So the answer from the vehement yes, why should the father and son have to watch them separately hiding under the blanket or in the bathroom on the 5” small screens of cellphone or 12” screens of the laptops. India deserves better, it deserves to be in the living room with the family to enjoy their porn star in full HD.
    So, you must be wondering then where is the debate in this, it is for Mia? Is it a good move for her to become a contestant on BB S9?
    In the interest of full disclosure, which I hope Mia will appreciate too, I would like to mention that I will be completely objective in my analysis. Irrespective of being a fan of her and a recipient of immense pleasure out of her past and current work which she has been doing.
    So coming back to the original question, I believe she should say no. if we take a stock that how she compares to the last year’s winners. The Wikipedia page of Gautam Gulati last year mentions “In Darpok (‘Coward’ in English) Gulati played the role of a 28-year-old man, living under trauma for not being able to prevent his mother from being raped when he was a child. His helplessness continued to haunt him until he planned to avenge it”. Apparently being a part of big boss wasn’t enough and he had to play this role too. Now compare that with Mia who has already done numerous short and long films with variety of roles with great intensity already; her films and videos have more than 1.5 million views which is 20 times the population of Cannes itself. What can winning Big Boss provide her which she hasn’t done already?
    The other factor can be a career in Bollywood, which can be quite glamorous and luring. The fact remains that we will get her and either make her do cameo appearances in films or work with the directors who have the uncanny ability to make flops like Mahesh Bhatt and Bobby Khan (if you haven’t heard of him; Google him right now and take notice of the incredible pieces of motion pictures he has been involved with). Anyways, the so called mainstream and posh production houses will not caste her in a movie; aakhir Indian culture or values naam ki bhi to koi cheez hoti hai.

    The third criteria might be that she might have an old Indian aunt who I more than eager for her to get married with a “Seedha Sharif Desi Munda”. Apparently, Mia doesn’t have any such aunt and additionally it breaks my heart to write this; she is already married and that too with an American guy named Vaibhav Singh (sounds like an Indian Origin guy to me). So Big Boss cannot offer her anything in the love & personal life department either.
    So take my advise Mia, stay where you are and keep doing the great work you have been doing. The Big Boss won’t get you anywhere you are the queen of the hearts already.

    Unlike The Like

    I don’t know if anybody is still reading this blog, if you are then probably you might have noticed that I have been AWOL for quite some time. From the looks of it, I have made more comeback attempts than Abhishek Bachchan and Uday Chopra combined. As you would have guessed that this post is akin to the Dhoom 3 with only a minor glitch, that none of the Aamir Khans of the blogging world agreed to feature in this one. The result you see, is that you will have to sit back and listen to my ‘longish’ rants.
    So the fact that I have been absconding from the blogging world is in some parts due to the fact that I have been busy and occupied. The remaining parts is a different story of sorts, I believe the decline in blogging is not limited to my blog. A lot of great and regular bloggers which I used to look forward to read every day have slowly pilfered because of the other conquest of life into oblivion. Some of these blogs and the reason of decline in blogging has been very well listed by Smita, which kind of inspired me to write this post.
     photo FBLike_zpsb0bfa517.png
    I believe a big reason for the bloggers to reduce is Facebook; after all it provides what our generation thrives on “Instant Gratification”. There used to be days when we used to get a nice punchy idea and we noted it down; develop an entire post around it; and then wait for the comments from the fellow bloggers and readers. Now the punchy idea is crushed into a few lines tapped on the smartphones for posting on FB and then follow the likes, “Instant Gratification”. The fact that at any point of time somebody is online in our FB friend list and people get notifications on their smartphones makes it quicker. I have been trapped in the deluge of these likes only to realize how superficial they are.
    After not so deep thought and analysis in which I must state that no animals were harmed except for the brain of yours’ truly the following is a list of type of like which are commonly seen on Facebook. Feel free to add some if I have missed a few.


    1- “He/she was such a loser in school/college how come he/she turned into this stud/babe” Like
    2- “How does such a loser land up with a hottie like this” Like
    3- “Is that a Mercedes/Audi/BMW, must have married for the money” Like
    4- “I think you are hot” Like
    5- “Why the F**K this loser gets to have a destination vacation and I don’t?” Like
    6- “Everybody is settling abroad except me liking overseas pictures out of frustration” Like
    7- “You had a baby but I don’t care but still pretend to care” Like
    8- “You are in my city but I hope we don’t bump into each other” Like
    9- “Have to like otherwise dad/mom/relatives/nagging friend will call and ask why I didn’t like their post” like
    10- “I like everything on my wall, obsessive compulsive” Like
    11- “You are my boss and I have to suck it up” like
    12- “I am a stalker and will like all your pictures posted on FB ever” Like
    13- “You wished me birthday on FB and I acknowledge” Like
    14- “You launched a hobby/startup (which I am not interested in and hope it never sees the light of any VC funding and IPO) and forced me to like your page” Like
    15- “You bought a DSLR, now have photography page” Like
    16- “You posted something and I have an obligation to acknowledge” like
    17- “Reassurance that I still exist” Like
    18- “I don’t remember “Who the F**K are you” just pretending to know you” Like
    19- “That was the easiest button to press” Like
    20- “Liked by mistake, now embarrassed to Unlike it” Like

    And if all these types of likes weren’t good enough, then you can always like my page on Facebook.

    Alarming Optimists

    “The setting of the clock every night is one of the most optimistic acts possible by a person.” I don’t remember where I read this quote and when. The thought behind the quote somehow refuses to leave me and every night as I set my alarm for the next morning I smile thinking about it. Not because how I will switch off the alarm and slide into slumber again but for the fact that how granted at times we take our lives. Setting up alarm for next day when I have no surety that when I will sleep tonight I would wake up next morning but I still set up the alarm for the next morning. Leave alarms I also set up reminders for credit cards, electricity, and telephone bill payments each month.

    It is amusing that I have taken the life I am living everyday for granted. Some days like today when I think about more important yet ignored things in life. I feel thankful for the life I am living, a wife who beats the crap out of loves me, parents who are there to bless & guide me, friends and family to enjoy life with them and work which pays me barely enough to show up in office on Monday to give me a sense of purpose in life. I am grateful for things I have to look forward to tomorrow morning and in the week, months and years to come.

    I am glad that I need to put up an alarm early in morning when I hate to wake up, but for now I am grateful that I have to put that alarm and it does disturbs my sleep. It feels good to be an optimist, specially in the recent times where there have been a lot of negativity around. And for all those like me who are bothered by all the negative news and energy around in the news papers these days a though to ponder.

    “Who is the person who should be most worried about the drastic fall in the value or Rupee against the US Dollar?

    Manmohan Singh? No

    P. Chidambram? No

    Sonia Gandhi? No

    It would be Barrack Obama as IT outsourcing to India is effin’ whole lot cheaper now. “

    Suicide at High Noon

    As last time this too is from a team building comptetion we had at our offsite. The rules of the game were that one had to write a suicide note which should include the following-

    • Not more than 80 words
    • It should have one Name
    • It should have two places
    • It should have threee animal (Air, Land and Water)
    • It should have four things

    So this what I wrote and it was appreciated generally by the audience and also got the prize-

    Hi Helena,

    When you saw me naked holding our dog by the rear and I said “Oh Fish”, it wasn’t because I was doing the dog, it would be cuckoo. I wasn’t doing our fish either. I was ironing my trunks for my trip to Los Angeles when the dog pulled it down and the iron fell from the board on my “thing” and I ran to fetch some Ice from the kitchen when you saw me.

    But that is not the reason why I am commiting sucide; I am treading this path out of embarrasement. During my interview with the firm from Argentina when they asked me for my testimonials; I probably showed them the wrong thing.

    Embarrasingly yours,

    Spartan

    Ps. This post might be greater than 80 words because I am trying to recreate it from memory. During the contest I had great help in editing by a dear collegaue Aishwarya who ensured this was compressed within a limit of 80 words.

    If you like this post or the blog, you can like my page on Facebook

    God Save The Dork

    Author: Sidin Vadukut 
    Publisher: Penguin Books
    Price: 199/-
    Pages: 240

    I had reviewed Sidin’s first book Dork some time back, if you haven’t read about it you can read it here. I have been following Sidin on his blog (which he hardly updated these days) and twitter (which is a frequently updated medium) since a long time. In his writing, Sidin has a very distinct sarcastic style humor which clearly, is his forte and he has succeeded to bring out some of the best of his humor in “God Save The Dork”.

    This book is a sequel to Dork, which was the story of Robin Einstein Varghese, a dumb consultant who makes it huge on sheer luck and coincidence in a consulting firm. The sequel is based out of London where Robert is on secondment for a consulting assignment for a global bank. The story keeps taking interesting turns with every disaster Robin faces starting from exploring the British culture to presentations over wireless microphones, fraud executives and SEC investigation.

    The book again takes a hard jibe on the management consulting industry and the practices it follows, the story is interesting filled with unpredictable events and disasters which keep our protagonist on his toes. The book is a light read with humor generously spread across the evenly paced story, there is no intense track which would force you to think but then the jokes and tragedies on Robin Einstein Varghese would ensure you never have a dull moment while reading the book.

    Summary: A great light hearted humor book which one could enjoy laughing over those highly paid management consultant and their ways. A must read if you have been related to the management consulting industry.

    Rating: 4/5

    Teletiquette

    The cellular phone has been a part of my life since year 2003, and life with the cell phone has never been so irritating as it is now. Firstly I don’t know how and why but my cell phone number is available with everybody in the world starting from my bank to the random people calling me to sell cars, insurance, potency enhancement creams and even children. As a matter of fact I got a call from UNICEF offering me to “Buy a child scheme” where I was supposed to pay some money which would go towards a child; my telling them “No one in my family eats children” supposedly didn’t go too well with them and I haven’t heard from them since. All this when I am already registered for DND which I think in this country means “Dial & Disturb”.

    So lately my share of irritation has not only been the telemarketers but also a set of people who have been testing me to my wits end; and here I categorize these tele-irritants:

    1-      Lockers– Actually they are the folks who miss the “C” part of the Clock and don’t mind locking your number in their cellphone Big B style at any time of the day night. Apparently they don’t have anything significant to talk, and they might have just called to ask if you would wake up next morning.  Answer to which is ‘No’ as they would ruin your sleep, so the question of waking up is irrelevant as its answer.

    2-      G-Pee-Yes-ers– These are the folks who would give you a call to find out where are you. There is no response which can satisfy their urge of tracking your location. Even if you tell them that you would reach a certain place in next fifteen minutes, they would call you back after five to ask “Till where have you reached?”

    3-      Abhor-Ringers– They are the ones who do not understand the meaning when your phone goes on call waiting or is disconnected, they would keep on dialing back again and again until you reach your wits end and pick their call. Once you pick up they won’t even let you complete “I’m busy” but would say whatever they have to say like someone dumping the crap out after three weeks of constipation.

    4-      Boomers– These are the ones who have their phones setup at the loudest level of ringtones to match the big boom boxes, irrespective of the fact that they are in office, meeting, hospital, or library. Also they would be the ones who would have funny, loud and irritating ringtones, so if you have a ringtone like this probably you belong to this category.

    On second thoughts if you have this as your ringtone then perhaps you don’t deserve to keep a cell phone.

    5-      Chew-Talkers– These are the ones who would be eating something and would suddenly have an uncontrollable urge to talk to you. They would simply call you in the middle of the meals and will talk while making chewing sounds on the phone, indifferent of how irritated you are with that sound or you can actually decipher what they are trying to say.

    6-      Mid-leavers– These are the people who are having a serious discussion or a casual talk with you, and suddenly they would abscond when they get a call. Without even indicating or telling you if it would take time, or if you should wait. They leave all that on you to figure out.

    So these are a few species of cell phone users which irritate me to my wits ends;  I am sure there would be some more which I might have missed. So how do people with cell phone irritate you?

    Book Review: JS & The Times of My Life: A Worm's Eye View of Indian Journalism

    Author: Jug Suraiya
    Publisher: Tranquebar
    Price: 495/-
    Pages: 350

    Anyone who has grown up in the 80s and 90s is not unfamiliar with the name of Jug Suraiya especially with his columns in The Times of India. His columns like Jugular Vein and Dubyaman have been a part and parcel of like of thousands of people like me who would consume and cherish his humorous writing with utmost delight. When he wrote an autobiography without a doubt it was supposed to raise a lot of curiosity. So I got my hands on the cleverly titled book “JS & The Times of My Life: A Worm’s Eye View of Indian Journalism.” Now where the title seems to be extremely heavy and serious in its tone and length the book is absolutely not. It is a delight for the minds which enjoy a light, riveting yet fun read.

    The book starts with Jug as his fans call him narrating his dilemma on choosing a career after passing from the college and how life coincidentally turned him towards journalism. The book draws his times of hard work and struggle during The Junior Statesman (JS) days and how he developed as a writer, columnist. The book traverse through his personal and professional life while narrating the story of the change and evolution of Indian journalism in the backdrop. Jug Sauraiya maintains his usual brand of self deprecating humor and utilizes it fully well to take the readers to the times when the Junior Statesman was still alive; the times when The Times of India was transforming; the times when the journalism and the country itself were going through a metamorphoses. And he does it in brilliant literary style, avoiding exaggeration maintaining the matter of fact version of events but still weaving them as studded amulets in his own tale.

    The best part is the narrative by Jug, which is appropriately detailed to give you the view of the Journalism world, his life at the same time brief enough to retain the interest. Over the length of the book the reader becomes a part of Jug’s life and celebrates small moments which were important and saddened by events which left him dry. The book not only brings out the humorous side of Jug Suraiya which the readers of TOI and the JS have known since ages but also the hidden story teller side of him which a lot of people including me were never aware of.

    The pace of the books is pretty fast with evenly spluttered with small or large events capturing the imagination of the readers. Mentions and excerpts of his edits from the old days also help creating the nostalgic feeling of the bygone era with the book. The book might be a source of inspiration to a lot of aspiring journalists, editors and authors however it fails to highlight the details of becoming one as author maintains the Journalism happened to him by chance.

    Summary: A nice autobiography quite realistic yet entertaining and funny to read. A must read for those who enjoy Jug’s columns in TOI or JS.

    Rating:  4 / 5

     

    This review is a part of the Book Reviews Program at BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

    Irony in India and Some Random Thoughts

    Ironies of life are funny things, I mean not funny for those who are a part of it and at the time when it is happening but generally it is funny; you got the drift right. Given the state of affairs in our country the quotient of Irony has shot up by unparalleled proportions. If we had an index which would represent the irony (even stupidity for that matter) we would have been amongst the top nations in world following Pakistan, Libya and obviously US of A.

    Very frankly we cannot match up to the Ironies in US, I mean how can you ever match up to a country where they are desperately fighting to create more jobs on side while at other side the Jobs have already resigned (cheap pun, I know but I couldn’t help cracking this one 😀 ). Coming back to Sonia Gandhi’s own country, no actually that would be Italy; So coming back to Manmohan Singh’s Own Country err that would be Sonia Gandhi; So coming back to Rahul Gandhi’s own country and that would only be found on television in the silent mode; So coming back to Kapil Sibal’s own country  but then he would be from the land of non-existant $35 Laptops. And this actually went on in my head for like one hour and I couldn’t come to a conclusion. Now you know how difficult it is to write a blogpost in times like these.

    I read this joke on the Laugh it Out Blog

    Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says, ” Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on; it doesn’t matter to me. I just love it !”
    Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, ” No kidding…………………….. I’m in Congress too. What state are you from?”
    And I sadly realize that this is true for our majority party in the government which coincidentally is also called the congress.

    I sincerely hope these many days of fast by Anna Hazareji for our country brings a downplay in the role of corruption and one day in my life time I would wake up in a country as envisaged by Gurudev Rabindranath Tagore, whose poetry I have been reading since I started my school.

    WHERE the mind is without fear and the head is held high
    Where knowledge is free
    Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
    By narrow domestic walls
    Where words come out from the depth of truth
    Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
    Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
    Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
    Where the mind is led forward by thee
    Into ever-widening thought and action
    Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

    On a very different note I am participating in the Indiblogger, Samsung Mobiler Contest and I need your help to become an official Samsung Mobiler. If you have an indiblogger account or a blog (which is required for an Indiblogger account) please promote my post on Indivine here.

    Delhi Belly & How It Got Released

    I am wondering if I am not blogging enough, I know you folks would agree. But in my defense I have been terribly busy at work. However, what makes me wonder about my blogging frequency of the folks at WordPress. This blog is hosted on the WP platform and these days I get more WordPress Updates than the posts I write, so either I am writing very less, or the guys at wordpress are working their asses out. More I think of it, and I feel sorry for those guys. Imagine the project manager/product manager at wordpress would be after the life of the poor chaps writing the code upgrade, to deliver it in time for the customers to use. And here I am one of their customers who do not even write a post as frequently those folks churn out and upgrade.

    So coming back to “I have been terribly busy bit”, amidst all this busyness of my business I found time to catch up with most of the movies. I am sure even you guys would agree that the recent times were like gold rush for movie fans. I mean you had movies like “X-Men, Cars 2, Transformers 3, KungFu Panda, Pirates of The Carrabian, and Harry Potter, Delhi Belly, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara” and I might have forgotten mentioning few. So I have watched them all, and I must say most of them were pretty good. As a matter of fact I loved all of them except Transformers-3, which was painstakingly boorish and dumb.

    But what was icing on the cake was Delhi Belly, I must say I absolutely loved the movie. I was surprised and shocked to see that movie where the abuses and F words weren’t beeped out by the censor board. I actually watched the movie twice because I just couldn’t believe that the censor board hasn’t actually beeped out the movie. The reason that this movie actually passed censor board is a very interesting story, from what I hear on my non-existent grapevine.

    Place: Central Board Bored of Film Certification

    Time: Fake Approval Screening of Delhi Belly

    Aamir Khan (AK)- So this a movie about youth, about India, the reality of this generation.
    Leela Samson (LS) – Wow.
    Shubhra Gupta (SG)- What wow? Asha ji tells me he used the same line for DCH.
    Arundhati Nag (AN)- These commercial actors I tell you, can’t come up with something original. They will steal stories from Hollywood, and now they have become so shameless that they remake the old Bollywood classics. Look at that Ramesh Sippy guy he made Sholay again such horribly.
    Pankaj Sharma (PS) – Errr AN Ramesh Sippy was the guy who made the original Sholay. RGV was who made the remake.
    AN- RGV? Who? Whatever.
    Rajeev Masand (RM)- It is Packed with rude humor and made with the intention to shock. This is a filthy comic thriller which would work because it’s a smartly paced wild-ride, it doesn’t have a madly inventive story. Yet with sharp performances.
    LS- RM you are not reviewing the movie, please stick to the censoring right now. Pankaj Vohra (PV) what do you think?
    PV- Since this has nothing to do with Thackreys and Pawars so this is ok.
    Annes Jung (AJ) – I think this might be objectionable and we need to beep the abuses. AK can you come back with a beeped version of this.
    AK- Oh I already have it let me play it for you.
    *plays the movie*
    *Bhaag Beep Beep Beep Beep bhag beep beep Beeep*
    goes on for 5 minutes.
    RM- What the hell is that?
    LS- After beeping this is not in English or Hindi, the movie seems to be in Morse code.
    AN- Yeah but does movies in Morse Code lie in our jurisdiction.
    LS- Actually no.
    AK- so you mean to say that I can release this movie in MORSE CODE?
    LS- Yeah, if you want you can dub it in English or Hindi. GO ahead.

    and that my friends is the fake story of how Delhi Belly got approved from the censor board bored 🙂

    On a more serious note, given the success of the movie, I feel our Industry is coming of age. Though I hear some petitions going against it in one of the courts in MP but I am sure the law would take its course and accept the new generation of people and the cinema.