Tag Archives: Humor

Self Help -Day 3

I watched her across the shelf in glistening yellow. I was attracted, despite her face was calling me an Idiot. Turned out she had a price tag attached with herself.

I know I am an Idiot but not kinds who would pay for to be called one,

that too for “An Idiot’s guide to Something….”

This is my second attempt to a 55er, I hope you folks like it. Now you know why I don’t read the Idiot’s guide and the dummies series 🙂

5 Reasons Chariots Are Better Than Cars – Day 1

I was having a discussion with my dad, he is one person I can have most entertaining, enlightening, argumentative, and enjoyable discussions all at the same time.

I was telling him about my life in Bangalore and how the traffic and commute has become a part of life. I was complaining that how the mileage of my car has gone down by 5 Km/L just because of the Bangalore traffic, when the discussion moved to the relevance of cars in the economic growth.

While concluding the discussion, the eventuality seems that the future might belong to the horse carts. So here are 5 reasons that the horse chariots would be the future mode of commute and the government should ban cars-

1- Affordable– Now this one is no brainer, getting a horse cart is way cheaper than getting a BMW. Who are we kidding actually it might be cheaper than a Tata Nano or a 1970 model Ambassador. Also the setup to manufacture is small and easy so no more feuds in Signur, no more Mamta vs Tata.

2- Green Fuel– The problems of the emission norms like BSIV etc and the oil imports would reduce adding to the strength of our economy. The hay and horse food would be the common fuel which would still be obtained by agriculture promoting our agrarian economy

3- Time of Commute
– The original reason why horse chariots went out of fashion and were replaced by the cars, because back then cars were supposed to be faster than the horse chariots. This positive doesn’t seem to exist anymore I mean cars hardly average more than 20 Km/hr in the cities which is easily matched by the horse chariots

4- Reduced Road Rage
– I mean what would happen when the horse actually would touch the other chariot by mistake. I mean you can hardly blame the driver, as one would know even your horse could take a step more than you expected as it has a mind of its own and being minimalistic no insurances no damages hence reduced no road rage.

5- Enhanced GDP– Though the manufacturing automobiles do contribute to the GDP but is it fair to assume that every car produced has a positive effect on the GDP of the country. We can assume that 80% of the car owners directly contribute to the GDP through going to work. So the amount of time these 80% people spend in the car stuck in traffic jams doing nothing, could be used for positive work and actually add to the GDP. So if we really look the cars have a negative effect on the GDP.

So we can see that for the benefit of the society it is a positive step to ban the cars. I hope leaders from Pakistan read this and after facebook banning the cars might be the next step for their national development.

An Ode to IPL Season 3

An Ode to IPL Season 3

An Ode to IPL Season 3

Once in the land called India in recent time,
Elite fun was limited to one part tequila and two parts lime,
A man decided to rise through richness, glamour and fame,
All through means which can be called just a stupid game.
Getting sick and tired of the reality in MTV Roadies,
An idea struck in mind of our dear Lalit Kumar Modi,
He formed a cricketing league called I-Pee-Yell,
From players to stadium chairs everything to sell.
Truckloads of money pouring in without a sigh,
Everybody wanted the darn piece of the pie,
Season one and two saw all the glamour and the rise,
Shooting up all the fame, money and the price.
“Mere five percents for my girlfriend, that too for free,
And mentoring to me, everything so honky dory and glee”
This song brought the murk into the moor,
All orchestrated by Shashi Tharoor.
The affairs of the external affairs’ minister got out too far,
Left no mentoring for him or any equity for his push-car,
The issue was settled with Tharoor getting an axe,
While Modi got the raids from the Income-Tax.
Betting, fixing, and black money, they pulled plugs,
With involvement of everyone including Tycoons & thugs,
So our dear Lalit Modi had a great fall,
Finally BCCI pushed him to a wall.
He too got the suspension, irritatingly bore the axe,
Realizing his spat with Tharoor was the biggest faux pas,
The season of inquiry and raids for the government to put up a face,
Arranging black money for IPL Season 4, as people forget this phase.
The tournament ended, the roar of scandals would subside,
Both Tharoor & Modi will get certificates of conduct so Bonafide,
End of a season where parties lasted from dusk till dawn,
As a viewer I am just happy that the F**King MRF Blimp is gone.

Book Review: May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss

Author: Arnab Ray (Greatbong)
Publisher: Harper Collins
Price: 199/-

MIHYAP

MIHYAP

Its recently a barrage of blooger turned authors, and one of the most prominent bloggers who came up with the a book is Great Bong. I was aware of his blog and was very skeptical about a book from him specially, knowing that I did not connect with his blog very well.

May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss, an odd title for a book by Arnab Ray, is a well researched, thought and worked book. It has been one of the best ones coming from the young generation of Indian authors. The book is more like a collection of essays facets on life of the generation which grew up in eighties and nineties in India. The book is a satirical reflection is what our so called contemporary YUPPIES have grown from. The realities of the world wrapped in satire.

The book takes any person who has lived that era in myriad of laughter and head nodding in agreement to the points made by Arnab. As an author, he has maintained a brilliant mix of humor and a focus on the issues faced/being faced by the contemporary society. His tongue in cheek style of humor goes a tad too well with the ironies of the Indian society.

The book at times, felt too much of a rant, especially if one tries to read it in a single sitting. Overall, what Arnab has done is identified the problems and posed them in humorous and sarcastic way to our own society. He doesn’t intends to give any solutions or his point of view through the book, but just illustrates how ironic and stupid is the world that we live in. And the best part of the books is you would be laughing and agreeing with him while reading the irony and the stupidity knowing well you were a part of it.

Summary: A must read for anyone who enjoys tongue in cheek humor.

Rating: 4.25 / 5

Book Review: Dork By Sidin Vadukut

Author: Sidin Vadukut
Publisher: Penguin Books India
Price: 199/-

Dork

Dork


Dork, basically is a book written taking a jibe on the consulting industry. It at a very primitive level showcases the disillusionment of the management graduates wrapped in the humor. It is the first book from the famous blogger and online editor of WSJ-LiveMint.

The book is primarily a tone of humor which is characteristically of Sidin, as in his blog. The read as an entire book and the plot is average, though the breezy humor in parts keeps you interested.

The setting of the book starts from the campus interview and moves to the world of consulting industry very soon. The main feature of the book, no doubt is the humor which at instances would keep you in splits. However, the book looses out majorly in connecting the protagonist with the audience. In an attempt to make it humorous Sidin has led the character of Robert Einstein Verghese so distant from the reality that as a reader you would not believe he can be for real.

This loss of connect, actually results in lack of engagement from the reader. You don’t tend to love the protagonist, or hate him (despite his stupidity). At most he leaves you irritated by his stupidity.

Though the book does depict shades of reality for the management graduates in the consulting industry, the exaggeration of the industry and the characters have been far away from reality. But one thing which stood out was absolutely fabulous promotion banner (Shared below) and the hilarious back cover and the words of praise on it. Typical Sidin humor at its best.
Dork Banner

Summary- Pick it up only for a breezy read during travel.

Rating- 2.5 /5

Be-Car

Ps. This is an old post, which published in November 2008. Somehow when I migrated from old blog to this new one. This post somehow was left out during migration. I was reminded of this post when Smita posted this comment on this post questioning extent of my love for cars vis-a-vis women.

Buying a car is one of the most important moments in the life of a person. The whole decision making process to buy a car is not much different from the other major decisions one takes in life. Courtesy the events in my life, yours truly have earned good experience in helping a lot of people to buy cars. So here are my 10 cents of wisdom on owning the car.

The first thing which one needs to remember while owning a car, it’s just like finding the ideal women of your life. The most important thing people tend to think are numbers like 1.6L, 1300cc engine capacity. But these numbers are like the vital statistics. They are highly irrelevant, neither do you drive your car at astronomically high speeds regularly nor do you make your girl walk the ramp everyday. So next time when the sales person confuses you with the mumbo jumbo numbers of the engine capacity, remember in the city driving conditions anything above 1000cc would be more than sufficient.

Another common thread which links the women with the cars is looks do matter. When you choose the women of your life or a car, the way she looks and the way she stands by your side is important. And more importantly you should find her beautiful enough that even after two years you should feel good about her.

But the thing which actually more important than the looks is how you feel when you are inside her, pun intended. As important is the warmth, joy, and the behavior of the women is in your life so is the feeling when you are inside the car. One should be entirely comfortable and if you think a feature is something which would make you feel nice. Then try to have it, you are not going to get another too soon is it car or….

One thing which people tend to ignore when taking crucial decisions is the cost of ownership. A highly sophisticated lady with a decent employment might seem like a very lucrative and a steal for a deal. But you know her javed habib’s bill, her Versace handbags, her Guess & Espirit designer wear might turn to be otherwise. Same happens with a car, which in terms of price might appear as a steal but if the mileage is low and the spares parts are costly it might make your wallet bleed bit by bit. So ensure you are making a right choice.

All who have been or are in a relationship would know how important the accessories are for a woman. You know if the stiletto doesn’t match the earrings you might always regret why you actually decided to come out for the occasion. So if you don’t have the accessories, like matting, mud flaps, Teflon coating you just might wonder why you stepped inside the car on a particular day did. So always insist your car is complete in terms of accessories, its better to negotiate to have them from the dealer.

To end it all once you are through with everything, always remember you don’t let other people go out alone with your wife. No not for a trial at the least, no in most cases not even to close friends I assume. So avoid doing that with your car as well, and I am sure you and your love will do just fine.

After all true love as pure as between a man and his car can not be bought its nurtured over the first times and times yet again. So in your lives just enjoy the RIDE (all the pun intended).

Reality Bytes

Its been a long time I have been regular on the blog, the reason being would already know that a certain panditji supposedly said something in Sanskrit. When translated to the world of IT and Software would mean “The Marital Status field in the database, the record type Single needs to be end dated on January 20th and a new record with the record type as Married needs to be added.” I sometimes bless the thoughtful creator of English language that he decided the marital status should go on as single and married as opposed to single, double, triple so on and so forth depending upon the number of wives and kids you have. If the later would have been followed the status of Osama Bin Laden would have been estimated to somewhere between one dozen to three dozens and lets not even talk about pregnant women and people getting divorced. They might have resorted to the use of Mathematical Limit Functions- Pregnant Women and their Husband, Status – Limit approaching to 3 (in case of the first child).

Sorry I digress, coming back to the harsh realities of the world. The bottom line is yours truly got married. All the plans to avoid the upcoming tragedy went in vain, as they say man proposes and god disposes, I finally got hitched. Going through what one would call a “The Big Fat Indian’s Wedding” obviously the big fat Indian being me. Its high time that I come up with a book titled “How Prats changed jobs, moved to Bangalore and got a Wife”, the story of how a boring seasoned blogger in late mid twenties found the master partner of his life. And I digress again.

Coming back to the point so many things happened I changed my job, I moved to Bangalore from Pune you can read my earlier tales of Bangalore here, here and here. There have been a lot of things going on in the world, like –

1- Hon’ble Supreme Court of India condones the Live-In couples– I have nothing much against the couples who live-in but this just re-affirms my belief that India is a funny country. I mean its not possible to keep a car for even a month before you finally commit to making it your own but it’s possible to have the woman/man of your life for a trial run, funny indeed.

2- Sahara India buys Pune IPL Team– There is no big deal in Sahara buying the Pune IPL team, if they hadn’t some other Tom, Dick and Harry Salman, Akshay or Katrina would have bought it. The big deal is about the amount they paid for Pune team a friggin 1,702 crores, to set a perspective if everyone in India combines and wants to outbid Sahara they will pay 17 rupees and 3 paise and to top that out if people of Pune thought of uniting and buying the Pune IPL team they would end up paying Rs. 5,158/- per person. I am sure this would be an excellent branding strategy resulting in conversations like this-

Person1: Pune IPL team was bought by Sahara.
Persone2: Sahara is it? What do they actually do?
Person1: Nothing much they sponsor the Indian Cricket Team

3- The Glory of Riots– There used to be a time when riots used to be the things of glory, the riots led to the headlines of newspapers, TV channels, talk shows. We actually got holidays from school because of riots in 1992. Now seems like the in-things are terrorist attacks, the political big wigs like Mamta Banerjee, Narendra Modi, K. Chandrashekar Rao have all failed to upheld the cause of riots. This time the riots have lost out to IPL with such a huge margin that despite a shoot at sight order and curfew in Hyderabad the riots don’t seem to get any space on page 1 in news papers and news channels.

Anyways now that so much of comedy is happening around the world, I won’t bore you to death. As the old adage goes, If you cannot avoid a rape least you can do is enjoy it. So enjoy your rape day. Adieu

Ps. Please Suggest an appropriate title for this post, I can’t think of any 🙁

Bang-Al-Ore

So finally I have moved to Bangalore, and as I already did mentioned here that we are not in best possible terms with each other. Still intrepid self of yours truly ventured into the enemy territory to wage the war earn a humble living. The stay here has been so far so good, despite efforts of Bangalore to scare me with incessant traffic and horrendous commute times.
I have been more than eager to learn the BANGy ways of living from the wifee and SIL who claim to be the hardcore Bangloreans by heart, and here are my top 5 lessons I have learnt in Bangalore-

1- It takes 45 minutes of discussion to decide where we would be having the evening coffee, and the options sound like the Mochas, and Bochas.
2- Once you have decided the place it takes another hour of brainstorming and discussion to decide what would be the appropriate route to go.
3- If you go from place A to place B by route 1 then it’s a punishable offence to return by the same route, if unaware then an alternative route would be discovered for the love of the holy god.
4- No matter where you live in the city they would change your office to a place so that you need more than 2 hours to commute one way. Yes I learned this the hard way, after being shunted between three offices all equally painful to commute.
5- Air conditioner is an impulse buy product, because if you plan and buy the temperature just drops down to post-pone your purchase for a couple of days resulting the decision to be delayed till sine-die.

So I am finally here, the Mecca of Indian IT, Silicon Valley of India (though they call it so but silicon implants don’t seem to be too common here) trying to settle down. Trying to find a house to live in, incidentally I happened to enquire the rent for a 2 BHK flat here and was adequately informed Rs. 70,000/-. I don’t know why but on my asking with utmost decency “for the entire year?” they let their pit-bull loose to chase me out of the premises. I think the people here are not very used to decency I guess, will try and be abusive from the next time, should work what say people?

Disclaimer: The post is meant to present a satirical view and take a jibe, and this disclaimer is the request for the people who disagree with above not to kill me.

Corporate Oxymorons

If you remember this old post of mine, where I came up with a list of Oxymoron applicable in the world of business schools, you would know that the time is ripe for version two applicable in corporate.
So here I present 10 oxymoron used in the corporate world-

1- Internet Access
2- Relaxed Working Environment
3- Understanding Boss
4- Executive Director
5- Customer Care
6- Work Life
7- Long Weekend
8- Exciting Monday
9- Friendly Policies
10- Cooperative Administration

Any more additions are welcome in the comments section